'Be kind to her': Teenage pregnancy or motherhood is not a life sentence
A teenage mother with her child in Nairobi. If you know a teenage mother, whether in person or through a digital platform, be kind to her. Do not be the reason she writes herself off.
What you need to know:
- A 15-year-old mother’s experience on TikTok highlights how teenage mothers face online harassment, stigma and judgment even as they struggle to return to school.
- Teenage pregnancy does not strip girls of their childhood, dignity or right to education, yet stigma continues to push many young mothers out of school and society.
Last week, I watched a 15-year-old mother on TikTok complain about unsavoury comments she receives. I followed her account the first day she appeared on my TikTok feed. In the first video I saw, she was preparing her then six-month-old baby for church. I was struck by the fact that she had become a mother at 14 and seemed to be doing her baby’s routines expertly!
I followed her page partly out of curiosity. I wanted to see what her motherhood journey looked like. Her videos are largely about life with her baby—taking photos, feeding, bathing and dressing the child, as well as occasional storytimes about her journey, how she became pregnant and how she is rebuilding her life, including going back to school as a teenage mother.
In Kenya, teenage pregnancy remains one of the major challenges that young girls face. According to 2022 data from the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics, 15 per cent of girls aged 15–19 have ever been pregnant. Of these, 12 per cent have given birth, one per cent have experienced a pregnancy loss, and three per cent are pregnant with their first child.
These figures mean that teenage pregnancy is not an abstract idea. While efforts to reduce teenage pregnancies in the country continue, there is a good chance that many of us will encounter a teenage mother at some point. Following that Tiktok account became an opportunity to get a front-row seat to the experiences of a teenage mother. I wanted to understand her world better and build empathy from a place of understanding.
A few days ago, however, I came across a video where she was complaining about bullish comments and direct messages that she has had to deal with. She decided to address them in a sit-down video because many of the comments had become repetitive. From people accusing her of misleading young girls by making teenage pregnancy look cool. To those who decided to give unsolicited and irrelevant advice.
After close to one year of watching as many of her videos as they pop onto my timeline, I have never got the impression that she supports other teenagers to become mothers. I have also never got the impression that she is proud of having been intimate with her boyfriend at the time and ended up pregnant.
She actually speaks about how her own ignorance led her to where she is today. And while she has made peace with what happened, she makes it clear that being a teenage mother and caring for her child is a significant sacrifice that is not easy for many people, especially of her age.
Until I watched her video complaining about the comments, I had never bothered to read them. But after that, I decided to take a closer look. My first disappointment was with what seemingly grown people were saying to a 15-year-old girl—making passes at her and offering themselves as “stepdads” to her child!
Society has a big problem when adults feel entitled to make such comments to a minor. Whether or not she has a child, she is still 15. The fact that she is a mother does not make her any less of a child, and it certainly does not make such comments appropriate.
The other line of thought—that she should shut up and stay off TikTok to avoid “corrupting” other young girls—also stuck out like a sore thumb. I finally understood why efforts to ensure girls who become pregnant in their teenage years have a chance to return to school continue to fail woefully.
Data shows that about 90 per cent of adolescents who become pregnant in Kenya do not return to school after giving birth. This is despite the existence of robust 2020 school re-entry guidelines. Stigma, profiling and communities that insist girls serve an eternal punishment for daring to get pregnant are some of the reasons girls who have had babies struggle to reintegrate and complete their schooling, despite an unconditional readmission policy being in place.
My heart goes out to that 15-year-old mother on TikTok. Given her circumstances, she is trying her best to move forward with her life by caring for her child, sharing her story and continuing with her schooling. My rallying call today is simple: If you know a teenage mother, whether in person or through a digital platform, be kind to her. Do not be the reason she writes herself off.
The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG ([email protected]).
