Rainbow baby: New mum recounts pain of being childless
Ms Rose Achieng Nyangala with her newborn.
What you need to know:
- In 2018, she conceived for the first time but miscarried in the first trimester, sinking her further. In December the same year, she conceived again but suffered the same fate.
- In 2019, she conceived but developed pre-eclampsia and lost the child after giving birth. She suffered blindness and was hospitalised at a Machakos hospital for some time.
The laughter of a mother's joy fills a private room in a Kitengela hospital while her two-day-old son snores loudly.
It’s a joy for the first-time mother after years of childlessness. Thirty-six-year-old Rose Achieng Nyangala has undergone untold suffering for the last five years after failing to bear her husband a child.
Her life has been bumpy, one characterised by two miscarriages, death of an infant, and stigma.
When nation.africa visited Ms Achieng at St Paul’s Hospital, Kitengela, on Saturday, she could not hide her joy of bearing a child and being called "mother". She seemed not to mind welcoming visitors to her hospital private ward to witness the “miracle”.
Ms Achieng, who is a lab technician and pastor, married Mr Joshua Nyangala Mwaita in 2017 in a colourful church wedding. However, the blissful lifestyle did not last after she took long to conceive.
Members of the church soon started fleeing until she had only three worshippers left. At that point, her self-esteem took a nosedive, plunging her into depression.
"My church congregation began leaving the church one by one. They could not understand how a pastor who was praying for other women to get children could not bear children of her own," recalls Ms Achieng, thoughtfully.
Miscarriages
In 2018, she conceived for the first time but miscarried in the first trimester, sinking her further. In December the same year, she conceived again but suffered the same fate.
In 2019, she conceived but developed pre-eclampsia and lost the child after giving birth. She suffered blindness and was hospitalised at a Machakos hospital for some time.
"I felt someone was pulling out the surface from my feet and was falling into a bottomless chasm. I had lost the need to live. I was almost losing my mind. I always questioned God.”
She said she suffered rejection by relatives, despite her husband standing by her. She was stigmatised and branded a “witch” who could not be allowed to mentor young girls.
"I was rejected by some of my relatives and in-laws. I was called a witch. I became an outcast in society. I contemplated quitting the marriage several times."
Ethnic differences flared in the open, with the couple's marriage hanging in the balance. Some elders are said to have advised the couple to go their separate ways and remarry from their own communities.
However, on May 31 at the Kitengela hospital, Ms Achieng gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. When we caught up with her, she could not hide her joy. She named him Isaac Mwaita Nyangala. Isaac means laughter or one who rejoices; she is definitely having the last laugh.
"In the last trimester I suffered from diabetic ketoacidosis. I had fear I wouldn’t carry the pregnancy to full term. I have always loved children and it’s my wish God will give me a chance for more children in future. I now know how a woman feels holding her child," she says, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Need for support
She advises society to support childless women and be a beacon of hope to avoid stigma and depression-related deaths among childless women.
"A childless mother in our society is highly stigmatised. For the last five years, I have undergone untold pain and suffering. A childless woman needs love and care too.”
Ms Achieng’s mother-in-law Marieta Mkandoe Mwaita from Taita Ngerenyi village had travelled overnight to see her grandson. Her joy was evident as she lulled him into sleep by a song in the Taita dialect. She urged parents not to victimise their daughters-in-law when they fail to give birth.
"I advised my last-born son to stick to his wife. I know it's hard for a childless couple, but a marriage is complete without children. I cried when I learnt my daughter-in-law had given me a grandson."
Dr Sarah Agunda says most women like Ms Achieng suffer from pre-eclampsia and eclampsia conditions that result in miscarriage. She advises women with no children of their own to seek proper medical attention.
"Most childless women have prevailing conditions that can be monitored or treated to allow them to bear children. Society needs to give such women a shoulder to lean on."
