Charlene’s engagement party and the problem with judging other people’s choices
President William Ruto (right), First Lady Rachel Ruto (second right), Charlene Ruto and her fiancé, Isaya Yunge (left), during their engagement ceremony at Ntonna Heritage Farm, Naserian village, Narok County.
What you need to know:
- Social media has made it easy to scrutinise strangers, but not everything that interests us deserves our judgment.
- Charlene Ruto’s engagement celebration offered a reminder that wisdom means knowing what deserves attention and what does not.
Last weekend, my social media timelines were awash with videos and photos of Charlene Ruto’s engagement party. There was glitz and glamour everywhere I scrolled. Such ceremonies interest me because of the culture showcase. I have learned that everything that happens during these occasions have a symbolic meaning. From the location of the ceremony to the choice of beads, all details are carefully curated to tell a beautiful story.
After I had seen enough of the photos and videos, I decided to begin scrolling through the comments to see if a benevolent self-taught cultural anthropologist had offered to explain the significance of the major symbols in the ceremony.
I was met, instead, with posts by some self-appointed designers on social media who had some unflattering things to say about Charlene’s dress. I ignored the first, then the second, then at some point I realised some people even made entire posts critiquing the dress and using that as an opportunity to invite her to employ them as their designers for a better outcome! It was that audacity for me! We have become so accustomed to looking for what we imagine is wrong with other people that we sometimes mistake madness for discernment.
Several weeks ago, I was in a taxi within Nairobi. At the Westlands roundabout, the driver was drawing my attention to what a woman crossing the road was wearing. “Huyu sasa amevaa aje?” he said, sounding like he wanted to launch into a whole conversation about what a woman he did not know was wearing.
After we went past the roundabout, I assumed whatever was biting him would have stopped, but he continued with his monologue about what that woman should have worn. “Are you sure you do not have any other problem in your life?” I asked him, when I got tired of hearing his voice rambling.
It is scary the number of assumptions we make about people we do not even know, and then decide that we can begin judging them or their choices. The taxi driver said whatever the woman was wearing was not good. I told him he could also try focusing on what was not good in his own life because he had a better chance of making real change there. He did not speak again during the remainder of our trip and I was grateful.
Social media gives us opportunities to inspect people’s clothes, homes, children, marriages, careers and choices. But not everything that captures our attention deserves our judgment. Is there a chance at all that a bride you do not know cares about what you have to say about her bridal dress or bridal trail? Think about it for a second.
I totally understand the urge to be in other people’s business, especially with the false sense of connection social media gives us. I am a journalist and an important distinction I have to draw every day as I interact with content or when I do mass communication is between what is of public interest and what would simply be interesting to the public. So, yes, there are times I see people with purple nail polish, while I prefer nude colours, but wisdom is knowing what matters in the grand scheme of things and what does not. Wisdom is also knowing that what I prefer cannot dictate what other people prefer.
One of my mentors once said something that has journeyed with me all these years. If you look for something, you will find it. If you look for evidence that something is bad, you will find it. Similarly, if you look for evidence that something is good, you will find it. Her recommendation was that when I enter new offices, or interact with new people, I should do so with the goal of seeing the good in them.
I may ultimately find fault or reasons they are not a good fit, but I should not get into situations already looking for what is wrong – it is an unnecessary burden. Last weekend as I read through some of the comments on Charlene’s engagement ceremony, I was truly glad that I did not have the burden of a mind that is always on overdrive to find mistakes – real or imagined.
The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG ([email protected]).
