Family bond: When last did you really see your siblings?

When last did you see your brother? I don’t mean on social media or through a message he sent on the family group chat. I mean, when did you last make time to call your siblings and share a meal with them, to deliberately connect and catch up with what has been going on in their lives? If you are like me, you are likely struggling to remember because you see your siblings every day (at least on one social media platform), so surely that should count for something. No?

In November last year, a young woman walked up to me at an event. “I have been looking at you the whole day! My goodness, you look exactly like my older sister who goes to school in Canada!” she said, in between excited breaths.

“Oh really!” I said, still trying to find my bearing, soon after discovering I am a doppelganger! “Please, show me a photo of your sister,” I said, my eyes expectantly glued to the iPhone she had in her hand.

Read: All I want is to hug my mother once again, and meet my siblings

She looked at the phone, started scrolling briefly, and then said, “Gosh, I do not have any photo of my sister!” We both started laughing, a knowing kind of laughter. We live at a time when everyone and everything is connected, but sometimes we are connected to everything else except those things that truly matter.

“I think if we belonged to the generation that swore by family albums, and did not have access to smartphones, we would treasure photo memories a lot more,” I said.

The conversation turned to how she had photos of people she had never met – football players and actresses who speak in languages she does not understand. But it has never occurred to her to save even one photo of her sister.

What she said was hardly surprising.

Read: What meeting my father taught me about myself 

I have hung out with friends who give me updates about certain celebrities and influencers in a way that, if you do not listen carefully, you will think they are talking about someone who lives in the same house as them. They follow them on all followable social platforms – they know their allergies, their birthmarks, their most hurtful heartbreaks.

I do not know if knowing details about celebrities is easy because they share updates on social platforms, or because algorithms reward parasocial relationships over real ones. But even if we flipped and replaced the people on our FYPs (For You Pages on TikTok) with our friends, digital connections shouldn’t fully take the place of real interaction.

On Friday last week, I ran into a friend I had not seen in person for three years! She bemoaned the fact that I have not seen her that long, and I do not even seem concerned. We were in university together, so that meant seeing each other at least three times every week. After we graduated, we had a rhythm of visiting each other at least twice a month. Sometimes we attended plays together, other times it was book clubs. However, as we got older and busier, time simply passed!

Read: Why our families don’t get together anymore

In my defence, I see her on TikTok and Instagram almost every day. Once in a while, we exchange comments on the posts, briefly chat and move to the next thing.  That makes me feel like I am present in her life – I see her, I hear her, and I feel I know everything I need to know.

Had someone asked me, “Daisy, when did you last see your friend Boera?” I would have stammered before the realisation that it’s been three years fully settled. It was an embarrassing realisation. That moment made me realise I was exactly in the same boat as the young woman who did not have her sister’s photo.

There is hardly a good reason to go three years without seeing a friend when you live in the same city. Social media captures only a fraction of what is actually happening in someone’s life. That’s why it’s important to intentionally stay connected with the people we love—because if we aren’t paying attention, real life can quietly pass us by.

Call someone for a coffee catch-up this weekend!

The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG ([email protected]).