As single motherhood grows in Kenya, finding a dependable father figure remains an elusive goal for many women and their children.
Some boys, too, grapple with the absence of a father, searching for role models to fill the void. Wendy Gachuki, Mercy Mulwa, Fanice Andeso and Sammy Lenawalchingei recount their experiences in interviews with Nation Lifestyle.
Mercy Mulwa is a mother of two sons.
Photo credit: Pool
Wendy had hopes that her children would grow up as she did. Both her parents were present in her life.
When the relationship ended, Wendy suddenly found herself raising a child on her own while trying to build a career. It was not easy, she says, but she chose to leave the hurt behind and focus on raising her daughter, with the support of her parents.
Read: Dear Dad, this is how your absence affected me
“After that, I called him and told him I had accepted that our relationship was over. I asked him to be part of our daughter’s life. I also told him that if he had any doubts about whether she was his child, I was willing and ready to drop our daughter at a place of his choice for a DNA test at my cost,” she says.
“Twice he promised her he would send a birthday cake, but nothing came. When she was younger, I would secretly buy her gifts and tell her they were from her dad because I didn’t want her to feel forgotten. Eventually, I realised I was only creating a false image of him. I stopped. Now, if he promises her something and doesn’t follow through, I tell her the truth. I encourage her to remind him the next time they speak—either to bring the gift or send the money so I can buy it for her.”
“When I gave birth, my mother was with me in the delivery room, and after that, I stayed with her for a year before I got my own house. My father has been the best grandfather to my daughter, and he has made parenting so easy. Not once have I reached out to him to pay for my daughter’s school fees, and he unconditionally does it.”
Colleague as father figure
Wendy Mbuki Gachuki is a single mother of one whose baby daddy first saw their daughter when she was about six years old
Photo credit: Pool
Like Wendy, Mercy Mulwa, 28, also has her struggles. Her child’s father left.
Widows and father figures
Fanice Andeso is a widow and a mother of four.
Photo credit: Pool
Nation Lifestyle.
Sammy Lenawalchingei says that life without a father figure was challenging for him and his siblings after the death of their dad
Photo credit: Pool
Dr Elizabeth Waithanji, a sociologist, points out a common trend in society.
In his Father’s Day message themed “What Fatherhood Teaches Us About Security,” SGA Security chairman and CEO Jules Delahaije described fatherhood as a lifelong commitment to creating an environment where others feel safe, supported and empowered to thrive.
