If a man gives you money while you’re dating, be cautious.
Hello Zulu,
I am a 26-year old woman from Kwale. I’ve often heard people say that when a man truly loves you, he’ll send you money without you asking. If he’s serious about you, he’ll spend on you. And if he’s not giving it to you, then he’s giving it to another woman he truly loves. My boyfriend is good but he isn't spoiling me enough. Should I be worried?
Before following any rules, it’s important to first understand and define what dating truly means to you.
If dating means giving yourself away sexually, by all means, get paid. Why would you sell for nothing?
But if dating means the search for a husband, why should you be paid for something you also want? Do you want a high-value man - a responsible man, emotionally mature, loyal, and caring? Then getting that man should be your real reward, nor cash handouts.
But if you also need to be bribed to remain interested, it means whoever is bribing you doesn't have the right qualities. What are bribes used for? 'For a bribe blinds those who see.' (Exodus 23:8)
Correct dating is akin to shopping, and nobody goes around dishing out money when doing window shopping.
The right dating has no strings attached and no money invested. You should ask yourself what the man will expect in return after sending you the money?
How will you return the favour if not with some kind of sexual favour? Money opens a Pandora's box. It causes the crossing of all boundaries. After you eat a man's money, you can't just wake up tomorrow and leave. It will appear like you just wanted to use him.
Express love
Love goes beyond money. A man can genuinely express love in various ways over time, through respect, protection, and emotional support.
This doesn't mean he doesn't pay for the dinner he calls you for; this doesn't mean he doesn't get you a gift here and there. The problem arises when a woman believes a man must take on her financial responsibilities during dating. No, dating isn't marriage.
In today’s world, where intimacy has been monetised and affection negotiated, the line between love and transaction continues to blur.
The right way to conduct interviews is with total freedom to choose. The moment you've been put under gratitude or guilt with cash gifts, your freedom is gone.
How, then, shall you know whether he's a giver or responsible? You don't want to risk marrying a miser or a stingy man.
You simply observe how he conducts himself during your interactions, especially physical interactions, rather than virtual or distance dating.
There will be many opportunities to pay bills at restaurants, visit your house with some shopping, help out in your friends' situations, etc.
The energy of a generous soul is very evident. You can only struggle to read it when you don't have it yourself.
People think generous people give. They have too much when, in fact, they give because they care so much.
Caring hearts spot each other through handshakes and eye contact. Their deep souls resonate from deep within.
Hidden expectations
If a man gives you money while you’re dating, be cautious. Sometimes it’s not just generosity; it can be a test or come with hidden expectations.
It's also a common tactic with financial scammers to give a little as a way to win your trust before they ask for a larger sum and then disappear.
You wouldn't accept money from candidates you're interviewing for a job. Would you? Dating is simply an interview in a social setting.
Moreover, men who have no character will usually splash the cash to confuse women, and if you're naive, you'll be trapped. An honest man can't go around dishing out money to women just because they're in the talking stage.
If he did that, how many women would he have clinging onto him by this time? How many will have manipulated situations to get a child with him just to get his money?
Express your feelings to your lover, both your excitement and your disappointments.
You should appreciate it when you meet a man who is actually single and not entangled. Many are single, but their lives are full of complications. That also means he's prudent with his money, and he knows to wait until he marries a woman to make her his responsibility.
You haven't been giving your goodies to every man you met. Why do you expect a man to do the same to women?
In short, be self-reliant in dating and maintain a neutral environment so that a man can show you who he is without hiding behind money.
If he's responsible and a giver, it'll show naturally without you applying demands or pressure. If he's avoidant and stingy, it'll also show. You want to maintain a no-strings-attached climate so that you can leave any time without appearing like you just wanted his money.
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