It is unfair for someone to walk out on you after all this publicity.
Hi Benjamin,
I feel confused. Why would someone walk out on me just before marriage, and why do people do that anyway? Why bring us so far only to leave me stranded? This is precisely what my fiancée did to me. We were supposed to marry next month, but after dowry payments and pre-wedding arrangements, she has changed her mind.
Dear reader,
Getting married is often a first-time experience for most people. They start with love and excitement, but when the formal process begins, they're shocked at the extent of commitment they're getting into.
The sheer sight of the meetings, the number of people coming to the events, and how serious everything is—these are enough to make someone panic. It tests someone's commitment, and if they are not confident in themselves, they can run.
Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can also make people flee. They get afraid that they won't measure up to their partner’s expectations.
Other people realise they weren't really up for the challenge of a lifelong journey. They overcommitted. They realise they're losing their freedom to seek out other lovers, and they aren't particularly prepared for that. They wanted you, but didn't know what it meant to get married.
Others run away because they have secrets that haunt them. They haven't told you the whole story of their life and the messes they created. They fear that someone will tell you, or the solemnity of these occasions will convict them to either come clean or flee the scene.
However, it's unfair for someone to walk out on you after all this publicity. But you know what? This is a better point for them to quit than waiting until you're married and then dragging you through an ugly divorce.
You did the right thing to take the wedding route. Hopefully, you maintained sexual boundaries and there are no lingering emotional attachments or even a child between you. This will make detaching a hundred times easier than if you had crossed those lines.
So, how do you deal with the shock and the shame?
Treat this as a failed project. Projects do fail—in business, in construction, in social life, and in personal life. It never means the person is a failure. It just means that some things were not right, and the collapse allows one to learn and do better next time.
There's no social shame; you're not to blame when people walk out on you. If you sneaked into marriage, you'd be stuck with a quitter. Many people are in that position, and even if they try to shame you, pity them. Marrying through a ceremony is the most fool-proof way to test seriousness and honesty.
Other people realise they weren't really up for the challenge of a lifelong journey.
What about the sense of loss and the confusion of not knowing where to start? Put yourself under psychological care, the same way you would if you incurred a heavy business loss.
Healing after such a painful experience is not instant, and you shouldn’t expect to get over it in a snap. But with the proper measures, you will be on your feet again.
You don't drown away stress through drinking or partying. You dig it up in therapy and inner work. This will also help you avoid bitterness or self-doubt in future relationships. This was not a rejection of your worth; it was a reflection of the other person’s fear and ungreediness.
If you need to move to a different town or neighbourhood to start afresh, or to start new social media handles to ward off prying eyes, do it. Give yourself the chance to launch your life again and still find the love you seek.
Grieving the loss of your time and the thing you thought would work is healthy and understandable. That's why you should not be afraid to share with your close relatives and friends. They will give you warm emotional support to help you navigate the healing journey.
Remember that marriage is a partnership with the right person at the right time, and it can be difficult when one party is not in it fully.
This painful ending is not your end or identity; it is simply a closed chapter. Your life’s story still holds brighter pages yet to unfold. Others have found their soulmates after the runner left them at the aisle. You will, too. Good luck!
