One man cancelled our first date after finding me on LinkedIn. Apparently, I was doing better than he had expected. He said something along the lines of, "You're doing so well for yourself. I'm sorry I don't feel needed by a woman like you."
This isn't the first time my personal development has contributed to a relationship ending. What's happening to women like me, and what should we do about it?
Society likes to call such women working-class, but I don't think working is a class. It's the bare minimum, if you ask me.
On a side note, have you noticed how practical and sincere men can be when preparing their daughters for life, compared with how they sometimes approach choosing wives?
A father wants his daughter to be capable of surviving and providing for her children, even if something happens and she finds herself alone. He encourages her to develop her skills, build a career and acquire the ability to make money rather than depend entirely on a man.
Yet, that same man may deny his wife opportunities to develop herself or acquire the means to survive independently.
The difference is simple: with his daughter, he expresses love, which is naturally empowering. With his wife, he may exercise control, which is inherently disempowering.
Now, back to the struggles independent women face when looking for partners.
Some women remain single because they struggle to find men whose judgment, character and capacity for leadership they can genuinely respect.
She isn't playing hard to get. She simply finds it difficult to find a man whose leadership she can trust. And because explaining this can sound arrogant, she often keeps it to herself.
Some men see an independent and capable woman and assume she doesn't want a man.
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She has already built a life that works. She knows how to make decisions, navigate challenges and recover when things go wrong.
So, when a man enters her life, she isn't simply asking, "Can you provide for me?"
"Can I relax around you without having to take charge of everything? Can you carry responsibility without constant reminders?"
This is where many men misunderstand independent women. They see a capable woman and assume she doesn't want a man.
Many times, she does. She simply doesn't want to become his manager, mother, financial planner, emotional regulator and problem solver all at once.
She wants partnership, but also the relief of being with someone who can carry his own weight. Someone whose presence enriches her life rather than makes it heavier.
They're looking for a man they can trust enough to let their guard down. Someone whose leadership doesn't require them to become smaller.
When they eventually meet such a man, they don't lose their independence. They simply stop feeling that they have to do everything themselves. They no longer fear that everything will fall apart if they don't supervise it. They can finally relax and embrace a softer side of themselves.
So, what should you do about this struggle?
Elevate your standards and upgrade the calibre of men you're making yourself visible and available to.
There are men who actively seek women with proven leadership, managerial and decision-making abilities because of the scale of life they want to build. They value women who are comfortable with abundance but remain grounded, discerning and responsible.
To increase your visibility to such men, ensure your social media presence reflects both your femininity and sense of purpose.
Show up in spaces where these men naturally spend their time. This is what I call organic dating: integrating the search for love into your lifestyle rather than treating dating as a separate activity.
It can be particularly effective when meeting accomplished, intentional men, many of whom prefer connections that develop naturally over obvious dating pursuits or casual encounters.
