Your grandmother found love at a church gathering. Your mother met your father in college. But you? You're swiping right on someone's lifestyle before their smile, calculating potential partners' net worth alongside their compatibility, and juggling terms like "soft life" with "true love."
Welcome to dating in 2025 Kenya, where your relationship status is just as likely to be discussed in your girls' WhatsApp group as your investment portfolio.
"It's not that we don't believe in love," says Sharon, 24, adjusting her designer handbag – a gift from her "friend" who's old enough to be her father. "But have you seen the price of a one-bedroom in Kilimani lately?"
Between Instagram's highlight reels of luxury dates and TikTok's "my boyfriend could never" trends, young Kenyans are navigating a dating landscape their parents wouldn't recognise. The rise of "mubaba" and "mumama" relationships isn't just gossip fodder anymore – it's become a full-blown economic strategy for a generation caught between their romantic ideals and their empty bank accounts.
In conversations with young Nairobians, one thing becomes clear: the rules of love aren't just changing – they're being completely rewritten. And the ink used? Well, it looks suspiciously like money.
Joan Kahuthu, 32, is a business woman and a medical practitioner in Nairobi.
People often choose money over love because they want to be seen in a certain way and gain respect, especially on social media. There’s pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle, like driving a nice car, which makes people choose money over love. As much as we can’t live on love alone, it is equally important. We need both love and financial stability.
Joan Kahuthu, 32, Businesswoman & Medical Practitioner Love and financial stability should go hand in hand. Hard work, not shortcuts, shapes lasting relationships.
Photo credit: Pool
I feel like the selfish mindset of being sponsored wastes a lot of time for young men and women. We end up delaying important milestones like marriage. It also gives you a skewed perspective because you get used to an easy lifestyle. When you get married, you might not understand the need to work for these things or support your spouse properly.
You always have a distorted view of life. It’s important to be realistic and logical about financial expectations in a relationship. We shouldn’t expect too much financially from our partner. Love and friendship shouldn’t be tied to financial benefits. It’s about valuing the relationship itself, not the money you might get from it, and expecting the same from your partner.
I see these relationships as transactional. I give you things and provide for you, in return, you give me companionship and favours. It’s never equal. If you get emotionally involved, remember that the sponsor won’t leave their spouse for you.
Even if it happens, you’ll eventually lose them the same way you got them. Friends play a big role in influencing us. If your friends are the type who want to live a fast-paced, luxurious life, you’ll likely want someone who can provide that lifestyle too. On the other hand, if your friends value hard work and earning their own money instead of being sponsored, you’ll probably want to follow that example as well.
We live in a world where this is a trend and it worries me. I wish we could go back to the norm where it’s not right to ask for sexual favours from someone young enough to be your child. This creates a lazy culture where people live comfortably without working for it. This affects our work ethic and the idea of earning what you have.
Personally, I prefer the traditional way of meeting someone willing to work hard, growing together, and making money together, rather than relying on someone else to provide for you.
We can prepare our children against these trends by teaching them the value of hard work. They shouldn't expect to be provided for without effort. If they do, they'll continue this behaviour in college, waiting for others to pay their bills.
Unfortunately, many involved in sponsorships are educated but lazy. Teaching children the satisfaction of earning their own money can help. Social media influences sugar baby relationships by showing high-end lifestyles without the effort, pressuring people to take shortcuts to achieve that lifestyle.
Mercelene Owino, 21, is a student at Cooperative University, pursuing Bachelor of Science in Banking and Finance.
I believe in genuine relationships, so I would choose love over money. In a genuine relationship, even without money, things can still work out.
Mercelene Owino, 21, Banking and Finance Student Genuine connections matter more than money. Emotional bonds build the foundation of lasting love.
Photo credit: Pool
This is better than being in a relationship with a lot of money but no emotional connection. Even though a healthy relationship needs both emotional connection and financial stability, it’s important to balance both, but I would focus more on emotional connection.
It's hard to say which is more important, but emotional connection is often seen as the base of a healthy relationship.
It helps with communication, conflict resolution, and trust. For a long-lasting relationship, a strong emotional connection is key. However, financial stability also matters because it brings security and reduces stress, which can cause tension and conflict.
When we talk about society's influence, families contribute majorly to this. Some families are financially stable and want to maintain their lifestyle. For example, in families of doctors or politicians, they often want to keep the family's reputation. They might prefer you marry someone who fits the family's status rather than someone you love.
This can happen to both men and women. On the other hand, families from humble backgrounds might feel pressure to improve their financial situation. They might prefer marrying up to elevate their family's status.
Young people now make their own choices, sometimes against their parents' advice. Even parents, who should guide their children, sometimes promote these relationships, leading to a loss of moral values in both parents and youth.
These relationships have consequences. Today's behaviour reflects the future. Many young people have children from these relationships.
People in these relationships are often pressured to stay quiet for confidentiality or to end the pregnancy. A man who cheats on his family is likely to do it again, which can lead to having children outside the family.
These children might later meet and marry without realising they are related. I would rather focus on building myself and working hard for my own money, so I can be stable enough to treat myself the way I want, without being influenced by a man's money. I want a relationship based on love, not money. While I believe a man should be the provider, I also want to have an emotional connection with my partner.
Caleb Paul, 29, is a Masters student pursing diplomacy at Daystar University.
We live in a world where many people want to be taken care of without putting in the hard work. Many young individuals seek sponsors to pay their bills, even though they know there’s nothing else they can offer in return.
This is the direction we are heading in today. Personally, I hustle for my money because I know it is essential. Money is the foundation of everything. In the 21st century, you can’t live without money. You need money to take your girlfriend on dates. Money makes everything possible, including love.
Caleb Paul, 29, Masters Student in Diplomacy Money is crucial, but emotional effort is key. True love requires both financial stability and connection.
Photo credit: Pool
Financial stability affects emotional intelligence for both men and women. A woman’s emotional connection with you can depend on your financial situation. Pressure builds up when someone expects you to provide.
Some people work hard to succeed, while others just want things handed to them. Love alone isn’t enough; you need money to make things happen. If I work hard and buy my dream car and build myself an apartment, I would choose a woman who seems promising, whether she’s stable financially or not.
There’s no real love without sacrifice. Just like you sacrifice for money, you also sacrifice for love by giving time and attention. So, I need to have enough money to sustain my partner. I believe money comes first, and then love follows.
In the past, people meet or were introduced by relatives after considering the morals and virtues of the partners, but now there’s no credibility or accountability. People lie about their situations.
Social media has changed the way we form and view relationships. I don’t believe true love exists in the world today. If you love someone and give them money, they will reciprocate. But if you love without involving money, you will be dumped or used as a toy. You will be seen as a liability. Money is always the deal breaker, without it, the relationship isn’t going anywhere.
I hold back from relationships because the same women we love are looking for sponsors for a better and luxurious lifestyle. So, I’d rather focus on making money. Once I have built myself enough financially, I can choose whoever I want because money will attract love.
Cross-generational relationships will continue to exist and bloom. Generation Alpha will be even more influenced by social media than Gen Z. The Generation will be more dependent on ready-made things. This trend will become more dangerous because younger people won’t want to work hard.
We’ll see older men with much younger women and the vice versa, calling each other “bae” and “daddy.”
Celine Muthoni, is a Professional Relationship Counseling psychologist.
The economy has played a role in the rise of sponsored relationships. Transactional liaisons might be trendy but they have negative effects, including emotional, psychological, mental, and physical abuse.
Younger people in these relationships often face emotional blackmail and psychological manipulation because they depend on their sponsors for financial stability.
Celine Muthoni, Professional Relationship Counseling Psychologist Financial dependency in relationships can lead to abuse. Self-worth and independence are vital for healthy choices.
Photo credit: Pool
Some younger people enter these relationships due to their upbringing. For example, a girl raised by a single mother might seek an older man to fill the father figure role.
This isn't always about wanting the older man but rather seeking the fatherly love they lacked. Many young women in these relationships are with much older men, sometimes 50 years old, who take advantage of their need for a father figure. This dynamic often leads to abuse and manipulation.
Some people believe money is everything, and they don't care about the emotional abuse they might face. They just want to live like their friends on social media, going to places and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle.
The media affects our young girls and boys negatively by not showing the real consequences of these relationships. It's important to love yourself and enjoy your own company.
Once you accept yourself and know what you want in life, you won't feel the need to enter sugar daddy/mummy relationships. Everyone has their preferences, but the problem arises when young people can't leave these relationships because they depend on their sponsors financially.
You need to be aware of your opportunities, work on your limitations, and improve yourself. This way, if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you can leave without looking back because you know your worth and have dignity.
The major psychological repercussion of engaging into a sponsored relationship is depression. You might be in a Range Rover or in Dubai, but is it worth your mental health? It's not.
Depression is affecting many young men and women in Kenya. Men don't want to admit they're in a relationship with an older woman who provides for them, as they fear being laughed at.
An advice to individuals who would choose getting into a sponsored relationship is that one should go back to the basics. Why are you in that relationship? What made you choose that person?
Think about the reasons and the costs of being in that relationship. No one can tell you to leave, but you need to ask yourself if it's worth it. Is the money worth your dignity and self-esteem? Consider the pros and cons. If the cons outweigh the pros, it's okay to leave.
