Former high school rebel seeks forgiveness for strikes she planned

In secondary school, she planned two major strikes. Both happened in Form Four, with the second ending with Eunice and her accomplices being arrested and forced to sit their KCSE examinations outside the school.

“The first one, I was the one giving advice to the Form Twos, but it did not go through,” she recalls. “The second strike, I executed when I was about to finish Form Four. We were caught. The head girl caught wind of it and quickly informed the matron, who informed the principal. The principal called the police.”

According to Eunice, one of her accomplices switched off the main power in an attempt to facilitate their plans, which targeted the school laboratory and bus.

“We were caught, taken to a cell and severely beaten. We had to do our final exams outside the school.”

Her rebelliousness was compounded by having repeated Form Three times. She also grew up under strict Christian parents whom she describes as authoritarian.

“They were too strict, so I hardened. It reached a point where I did not care because whatever I did, I would get beaten. I remember when I would arrive late at home and my parents would tell me to go back where I was. I would just go to my friends.”

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Yet, even in her most unruly years, Eunice says she was deliberate about the damage she caused.

“I was not targeting children,” she says. “I would reason that instead of torching the dormitory or a student’s box, and probably their parents were struggling financially, that is a curse. Why not deal with public property?”

Now a mother of one, Eunice says she had an epiphany at 35. She believes some of the suffering she experienced later in life is linked to her behaviour as a child.

She developed fistula and was admitted to Kenyatta National Hospital’s Ward 1, where she shared space with children undergoing cancer treatment.

The experience changed her outlook. She decided she wanted to return to school and pursue caregiving, despite having trained in hairdressing and beauty.

Today Eunice says she is starting over. She regrets the disruption she caused at school and believes her behaviour also damaged her relationship with her parents.

She advises former students involved in school unrest to seek forgiveness from their former school administrations, affected parents and their own families.

Her experience comes as Kenya continues to grapple with questions about student indiscipline following the Utumishi Academy fire tragedy, in which 16 lives were lost.

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The tragedy revived debate over school discipline and parental responsibility, with Kenyans divided over how best to raise and discipline children.

Some argue that corporal punishment is necessary, pointing to a time when children were beaten to “put them in line”. Others favour modern parenting approaches centred on reasoning, communication and negotiation. But where is the line between loving a child and overindulging them?

A study published in Current Psychology in April has added another dimension to the debate, finding an association between recalled parental indulgence and certain traits linked to the so-called Dark Triad of personality: psychopathy, Machiavellianism and narcissism.

Researchers at Oakland University studied 720 university students in the United States, examining how recalled childhood parenting experiences related to these personality traits.

Participants completed questionnaires assessing their current personalities and how they remembered being treated by their parents.

The analysis found that participants who recalled higher levels of parental indulgence were more likely to display traits such as psychopathic meanness, psychopathic disinhibition and narcissistic antagonism.

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Those who recalled greater parental praise, however, showed more socially beneficial characteristics.

“High levels of recalled parental indulgence and low levels of praise were associated with negative personality outcomes,” the researchers wrote.

The findings, however, do not mean that a child who receives too many gifts or faces few consequences will inevitably become a psychopath.

Spoiled does not mean psychopathic

Martha Mutendwa, a Nairobi-based child psychologist, cautions against drawing such a conclusion.

She describes psychopathy as a rare personality pattern characterised by profound lack of empathy, absence of guilt or remorse, manipulative behaviour and repeated violation of other people’s rights.

“Psychologists believe psychopathic traits emerge from a complex interaction of genetic influences, brain development, temperament and adverse environmental experiences such as severe neglect, abuse or chronic exposure to violence,” she explains.

It is common to hear people describe an arrogant, selfish or demanding child as “a future psychopath”. But difficult behaviour does not necessarily indicate psychopathy.

“Spoiling a child can create serious behavioural and emotional problems, but it does not automatically lead to psychopathy,” Mutendwa says.

“A spoiled child is typically one who has grown up with few boundaries and limited accountability.”

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Such children may receive whatever they want without earning it, be protected from the consequences of their actions and rarely hear the word “no”. Over time, they may develop a sense of entitlement and believe their needs should always come first.

She gives the example of an eight-year-old demanding an expensive gaming console. When his parents refuse, he throws a tantrum until they eventually give in.

“Although the tantrum stops, Brian has learned that persistence and emotional outbursts are effective ways to get what he wants,” she says.

The pattern can continue into adolescence and adulthood, where manipulation, threats or emotional pressure may replace childhood tantrums.

Similarly, a teenager who is never expected to do household chores, manage responsibilities or face consequences for mistakes may struggle with punctuality, teamwork and criticism when they enter college or the workplace.

These behaviours may appear selfish or uncaring, Mutendwa says, but they are not the same as psychopathy.

Spoiling can, however, produce behaviours that resemble psychopathic traits.

“An entitled child may lie to avoid punishment, manipulate siblings to get attention, or show little appreciation for the sacrifices made by parents,” she says.

The critical difference is that most spoiled children are capable of feeling guilt and empathy once they understand the impact of their actions.

Children with genuine callous-unemotional traits, by contrast, may show persistent indifference to the suffering of others, even after repeated correction and appropriate discipline.

For parents, the lesson is therefore not to choose between harsh punishment and permissiveness, but to strike a balance between affection and boundaries.

Eunice, reflecting on her own childhood, agrees that discipline matters, but so does parental presence.

While she does not support overly pampering children, she believes children need love that goes beyond providing money and material possessions. She also urges schools to respond promptly to students’ concerns.

“Principals should personally read and engage students on issues raised through the suggestion box,” she says.

For Eunice, the past cannot be changed. But seeking forgiveness, making peace with her parents and pursuing the caregiving career she now believes is her calling offer her a chance to begin again.

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