Couples expect to feel different after their wedding. And so they do. But often not for the better.
But the ‘post wedding blues’ are very common. Including a curious sense of loss. Single people have fun, married people have responsibilities. So they often feel overwhelmed.
Building a life together takes years, so give yourself time to get used to things. Talk together about your feelings, and accept that you still have a lot of work to do to build the relationship.
And what do you suppose annoys new wives the most? It’s the way husbands instantly act like ‘the wife does the cleaning!’ So quickly agree who does what. But not with a list of jobs taped to the fridge! Help each other out, and be fair and flexible.
Money causes the most rows though. Because once you’re married your decisions affect you both. Whether it’s to spend or save, or to go for a new job.
It’s best to come clean about your finances before you wed, although it’s never too late to turn over a new leaf. List all your income, assets, spending and debts, and share your dreams: travel, buying a house, a car, another degree, children. Deciding how to manage your money might sound tiresome, but it can actually be one of the most romantic things you do together since it is the two of you making a plan for your lives together.
But if money causes the most rows, it’s sex that causes the most resentments. New couples have such high expectations that someone’s always disappointed. And newly-wed couples get so busy! Working long hours and massive socialising means that sex moves down the list of priorities, and so intimacy’s lost and resentments start to build. New couples need to put their sex lives before everything else, and make enough time to be romantic and intimate together.
And every couple argues, because while marriage can bring out the best in us, it also brings out the worst. Stupid, stubborn behaviours from when we were in diapers. Most worth-while long-term relationships have a few big rows under their belts.
Eventually, couples do become closer again as they learn better argument skills. But early on tempers are quickly lost, so spot a discussion that’s gradually escalating into an argument, and calm things down before someone starts shouting. Maybe by just listening, or giving your new spouse a hug, so you can carry on talking together.
And don’t overreact. Just because you don’t see eye to eye on something, that doesn’t mean you’re headed for divorce. Work on the problem together, and the things that brought you together will re-emerge stronger than ever.
But above all, stick at it! A good marriage is the most wonderful thing that can happen to any of us. Committed couples are happier, healthier and live longer. Because the companionship, and having someone to really care for, and to care about you, are more precious than gold.
