I am 29 and I don’t have a potential husband yet. People close to me are telling me to get a child since time is running out. I am a teacher and currently pursuing my MBA. Do you think I should be worried about not having a husband or a child?
First, you shouldn't get a child as you wait to get married. You should perhaps get it when you've decided that you don't want to get married. This is because most men don't want to deal with another man's blood. If a man loves you and decides to marry you anyway, it'll be despite you having the child, not because of it.
In other words, having a child is still a complication even when the man genuinely loves you. Most people prefer to start with a clean slate.
If you've experienced difficulties finding a partner when you're single, know that your situation will be ten times harder after you get the child. Many would-be husbands will walk away the moment they learn that you have a child.
And you will feel it. This is one reason many single parents become very bitter. Just imagine finding a person you flow in everything, and the chemistry is so wonderful, but they ghost you once they find out you have a child. And this happens once, twice, thrice. You are human, and it will take a toll on you.
Secondly, let's consider the process of getting a child. You have to change into a different person to do it. You have to knowingly sleep with a person you have no future with to do it. There are other laboratory methods, of course, but they're costly and hard to implement, which means most young people like yourself won't go that route.
You will need to manage that relationship for a very long time. You may be lucky to end up with a good man who doesn't stress you, but you can also get unlucky and end up with a toxic one.
Do not imagine that it will be just a one-off and you part ways. The child may strikingly resemble them and remind you and everyone else of them.
Whatever arrangement you have with the person can change depending on how their fortunes in life turn out. Depending on a gentleman's agreement on such a weighty matter with so many unknowns is just too risky if you ask me.
Also, we're assuming that you get a perfectly healthy child. However, children can also be born with complications that require management for a long time. How will that change your life? Do you know that a sickly child or a deeply dependent child can change you into a full-time nurse while you also need to hustle for sustenance?
Have you also thought about what happens when the only parent of a child has died? God forbid, but what if something were to happen to you? Do you want your child to suddenly become an orphan and be at the mercy of relatives, many of whom never liked you anyway?
Also, we were designed to be loved and raised by two parents. When one parent is missing, we suffer psychologically.
Sometimes, there is co-parenting, of course, so the child may be interacting with both parents, albeit separately. Such an arrangement can never compare to living in the same household with both parents. It's a very different experience.
Co-parenting should be the last resort due to a failed marriage, not something you go for by design.
When your values in life are not the same as the other parent, you often end up counter-parenting instead by teaching the child conflicting things, which does more harm than good.
In short, if you want a child when you're single, I suggest you adopt one. That way, you solve a problem for a child instead of creating one. You help a child who is in a needy situation rather than bringing a child into a needy situation just for personal gratification.
Remember also that the society around you will push you into things and then leave you alone when they backfire.
If you want marriage, go for it with focus and intent as opposed to just sitting and waiting.
