I am a 28-year-old lady. I have been dating this man I met on campus for seven years. At first, everything was great until 2021, when he started cheating randomly with women. Picking up waiters in hotels, clubs, and even sex workers. I found out about this towards the end of 2022.
I confronted the situation but he flipped it on me claiming that I was focusing too much on my work. I was not paying attention to him, and I was not giving him enough sex. Then we agreed that we would fix the situation which I did. But then he didn't stop. He continued with the same behaviour, and he said I was not submissive or that I didn't want to get children with him. For me, I wanted to be stable financially first before anything. But then the pressure grew. Then I decided to get the baby. He is still cheating on me. What do I do with this man?
Why are you trying to fix a person who can go as low as sleeping with just any woman? Don't you fear him bringing you all manner of diseases from that reckless life he lives?
There's hope, but only if you're willing to make the u-turn and urgently.
First, you started dating at 21 when you were on campus. Mistake number one. College is a microclimate that's detached from the world in many ways. You're usually midway between adulthood and childhood, so you only partially control your life.
You're under your parents for financial support and accommodation, but you're also making your own decisions about your future. Decisions like career direction and relationships.
This is the part they don't tell you at that time: you're not yet in the world. You can't make informed decisions about lifelong matters like the choice of a partner or even the standard of life you want because you're simply not informed enough.
You're extremely green and naive. You're just from home, and you're not yet in the world. You don't know the games people play out there and what scammers look like. You don't know what character traits make for a stable marriage or what signs to look for in a good man or woman.
You think that because you're both pursuing degrees or diplomas, you have a future. You don't have an understanding of personality differences and moral compass.
In short, when you're a student, you don't know, and you don't know that you don't know.
You're extremely uninformed, and you're also not aware that you're uninformed.
As a result, any attempt at choosing a life partner is a blind guess. In your case, it has resulted in explosive chaos.
For many people, however, this path does not lead to explosive chaos. They end up in a situation or marriage where there is silent chaos. Silent enough for them to hide it from the world, yet so painful that it breaks them down slowly.
Some people sign up for destruction the moment they start dating in college. But society will never speak about this because they want you stressed and easy to exploit.
We're living in a predatory culture where your problems make people happy, and your happiness gives people problems. If you do everything wrong as you did early in life, and you end up in a living hell, you're a good customer for the pharmaceutical world as you consume stress medication and even manage chronic illnesses that may come out of it.
When you're always stressed by your marriage and you need alcohol to decompress, you're a good customer for the clubs.
If you're in an unhappy union and you always need a shoulder to lean on, some scavengers around you will jump in to take advantage of your situation and use you sexually or financially.
When you get children with failures in life and you're left to raise children alone, you'll be a rich topic for gossip.
In other words, society will never show you the right way because they stand to gain more when you're lost than when you're on track.
The next mistake was opening yourself up for premarital sex. This got you hypnotized into thinking that you were already a couple and you had to make this work. That's why you started giving more of yourself even when the writing was on the wall that this man was a wrong number.
Most women get deeply invested and attached after getting intimate with a man, particularly if they do it at pre-25 because their brain is still not fully developed. Your logical brain finishes growing at 25.
Had you dated celibate, this man would have left you alone because he has no sexual discipline. Instead, you got blamed for sex and even went as far as getting a child - a life-altering event that you're yet to wake up to.
You jumped from being a single 21-year-old who had the whole world open to her to being a single mother with a toxic baby daddy and a wasted season of your youth.
There's only one way to turn around and stop these mistakes from being life-defining or permanent. Stop associating with this man in any way and commence your therapy and healing journey. Dedicate the next two years to self-discovery and organizing your life. If you do this, you'll give both yourself and your child a second chance at peace and a stress-free life.
