Has the thought ever crossed your mind that your partner’s cheating on you? Maybe you don’t have any hard evidence, but your intuition says something’s wrong?
Start watching carefully. See more than a few of these warning signs, and it is time to start taking your feelings seriously.
Perhaps your partner has suddenly started exercising more. Or their underwear, clothes and shoes have had a major update. They’re constantly on their mobile phone, and it’s stuck to them like glue. It’s even taken to the smallest room, and has a new password that you don’t know.
WhatsApp has started to dominate their whole life, but the preview and message notifications have been disabled. And the ‘last online’ indicator has been switched off so that you don’t spot that they were using it was while you were asleep.
Suddenly they’re sleeping much more quietly, after ignoring your complaints for years. When you comment they say they’ve figured out the right sleeping position or have lost weight. None of that was for your benefit, of course.
They’re cutting themselves out of your activities and avoiding your mutual friends. They’re coming home later and later, and there are far more ‘work events,’ ‘business trips’, and ‘drinks with an exciting new client’.
You catch a whiff of perfume or aftershave. If you mention it there’s a feeble excuse, and it never happens again. Their squeeze has been told to skip the fragrances.
Suddenly, your partner doesn’t touch you, doesn’t want to be touched by you, or ask for sex. And when you try to be intimate they make excuses. It’s because they want to be faithful. To their new love.
They no longer show interest in your day, and stop sharing their day with you. You feel like the third wheel in your own relationship. You panic and go on a self-improvement ‘please don’t leave me’ spree. That’s actually the first stage in the grieving process.
If you start asking questions you just get everything thrown back at you. They try to get you to doubt your own instincts by telling you that everything is your fault. Or that your memory is faulty. Until gradually you start to believe the problem really is you.
The plain fact is that your partner will never admit they’re cheating unless you’re able to confront them with some hard evidence of what’s going on, like hotel bills, photos, or social media posts. So avoid any confrontations until you have proof.
Then perhaps they’ll talk, and you can start putting your marriage back on track. Or maybe not.
Not for nothing is it called a living grief when a marriage ends. In fact it will be the worst thing you’ve ever lived through. Your anger will last for ages, but not for ever, and you’ll start to move on.
Sadder, wiser, but making a new life that’s better than before.
