Somehow, we’re expected to learn how to make conversation all on our own. And so most conversations are actually rather dull. Who has started going out with who. What’s going on at work. The latest headlines. But a skilled conversationalist can create interest from any topic.
The right attitudes make a big difference. Nobody likes ‘clever’ people who must be right. Or someone who’s always negative. Or those who agree with everything. It’s better to be always seeking information, trying to understand, looking for something new, or simply having fun.
How you present your opinions makes a big difference. Some people know very little about a subject, but hold rigid beliefs about it. Others are well informed but won’t take sides. It’s better to have an opinion, and to be willing to talk about it, and to be flexible and willing to change your mind. However much you know about a topic, other people’s perceptions are just as important, and they may have a better point of view.
Like teenagers are bound to see the world differently from 40-year-olds, so listen to them both and try to understand their different perspectives.
You don’t have to be an expert in order to discuss something, because well informed people like being asked questions. But be sure to listen to the answers, and never pretend to know more than you do, because you’ll always be found out.
Highly educated people can be extremely dull if left to themselves, but they can be really interesting in the hands of a skilled conversationalist. So, lead the discussion, and introduce your thoughts into the debate. Because ideas aren’t limited to those who have knowledge. Ask questions, explore differences of opinion and different perspectives. Put forward your ideas with a touch of humour. It all goes to make the conversation more enjoyable.
People generally only see what fits their expectations, so even the most logical sounding argument can be biased or even based on deep prejudices. So listen first and ask questions before revealing your own opinion. And be diplomatic if you can’t agree.
But the most important conversational skill of all is listening. Really listening, and not just figuring out how to reply! Pay attention and try to get the maximum value from what’s being said. After all, you really might hear something completely new. Make a habit of repeating back what you think you’ve just heard, and then ask a few questions to check the facts. Your friend will be flattered, and you’ll have fixed the argument in your mind.
Above all though, remember that while it might be nice to win arguments, it’s much better to be interesting! So look for new angles on what’s being said. Be provocative, and always willing to go along with a new line of thought. Try to say ‘now that’s interesting’ really often! And mean it. Because if you do, you’ll soon be the life and soul of the party.
