Both men and women prefer younger mates, new study finds
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A study released by the US National Academy of Sciences indicates that for both men and women in their middle ages, attraction is more likely if the other person is younger.
What you need to know:
- A separate study released in December 2024 found that the older people got, the more their preference for a younger partner grew.
- The study, which was conducted on a European sample, found that while men started out with younger partners, women started with older men before shifting to partners of the same age in their middle age and younger men when they are in their retirement years.
There is that person of the opposite gender that you will talk to for the first time and be instantly interested in seeing them again.
Psychologists have been studying the factors behind such attraction. Is it the other person’s social status? Is it chemistry?
What about age? Does it play a factor? It does, according to a study published on Monday. Interestingly, the study released by the US National Academy of Sciences indicates that for both men and women in their middle ages, attraction is more likely if the other person is younger.
That finding has drawn a great deal of attention, given the common perception that women prefer being in a relationship with men older than them and vice versa.
Psychologist Maurifixten Kamau, reacting to the findings, told Nation Lifestyle that the belief that younger partners are more adaptive and adventurous comes into play. More on that later.
The study, conducted between October 2023 and January 2024, was a result of 6,262 blind dates in the US that started from the Tawkify matchmaking service. The dates were so “blind” that by the fact that at the first meeting, none of the individuals had the other’s phone number.
After that first date, the participants were asked to state on a scale of 1 to 5 how strongly they agreed with three statements: “I enjoyed spending time with my date”; “I was attracted to my date”; and “my date seemed like a great romantic partner for me”.
The researchers – Paul Eastwick, Eli Finkel, Eva Meza, and Kellie Ammerman – took interest in the age of the matched partner in the instances where one party showed interest.
“This study is the first to examine the association of a partner’s age with romantic desire in a blind date setting in a middle-aged population seeking long-term partners,” they stated.
“Preregistered tests revealed that people were (slightly) attracted to younger partners on average — and this association did not differ by gender.”
While giving their own argument as to why women did not seem to stick to the “looking upwards” mantra, the researchers started with a disclaimer that they did not follow up to see whether real relationships took off from the initial attraction.
“First, we did not capture actual relationship formation in this study. Women may be initially attracted to young men, but somewhere between an initial date and relationship formation, these older-woman/younger-man pairings are especially likely to wither as the liabilities of men’s youth come to the fore. Relatedly, people’s abstract preferences might be overwhelmed on a first date. When people are trying to make a good impression, they may even be especially amenable to flattery from partners who seem dissimilar or who do not fit their stated ideals,” the researchers reasoned.
The researchers, in their comment about the economic background of the women involved, inferred that the women were making more liberal choices.
“None of these women were likely to be monetarily dependent on men, and social role theory predicts that gender differences in preferences linked to ambition and earning potential will erode as a society moves closer to gender equality,” they wrote. “So, when these women encountered younger men whom they desired on their blind dates, perhaps they were happy to overlook the lower level of career advancement among these men. In other words, it is plausible that women’s power and standing in society influences what they actually like.”
According to Mr Kamau, a psychologist and founder of Olivetouch Counselling Services, many factors can explain the changing preferences for middle-aged women.
“Remember, every relationship is supposed to meet certain needs. From the onset, these needs are very selfish and egocentric—each wanting to use the other. The first reason is the biological view that younger people are adaptive, adventurous, and (worth) exploring. The older person feels that being in a relationship with a younger person gives them a new (chance) to explore what they would have not been able to do,” Mr Kamau, who has a Master’s in counselling psychology, told Nation Lifestyle.
“This goes with the need for power and control. These are two forces in any relationship. By being in a relationship with a younger partner, one assumes the role of being in power and control,” he added.
He went on: “The third reason is the psychological unfinished business. This implies that the older person envies the younger person and desires to be like them. They view themselves in the image of the younger person. This means they feel incongruent with their age and relate with a younger age. This would occur because of unfinished business of one’s developmental stage.”
The researchers recommended that, in future studies, someone should examine exactly how people determine who is or is not in their pool of eligible dating partners.
“This preference for youth among women was surprising, because in mixed-gender couples, men tend to be older than women, and women say they prefer older partners. There may be a meaningful mismatch between what women say they prefer and what they prefer, at least in a first-date setting,” said a summary of the study.
A separate study released in December 2024 found that the older people got, the more their preference for a younger partner grew.
The study, which was conducted on a European sample, found that while men started out with younger partners, women started with older men before shifting to partners of the same age in their middle age and younger men when they are in their retirement years.
“These results indirectly suggest that preferences in age-related mate selection may systematically change as individuals grow older.
An evolutionary and sociocultural rationale for age disparities seems plausible for men, regardless of their age, whereas sociocultural influences come into play for women as they age,” said the researchers in the Personal Relationships journal.