I have two boyfriends. One is 28, works in a small microfinance office, and earns a monthly salary of Sh15,000. The other is 31 and works in law courts. I'm 23 now and unemployed. I graduated from the university a few months ago.
Currently, I live with the one in microfinance. But deep down, I don't love him genuinely. I am here because I don't have my own money and he provides for me.
I love the other one because he's wealthy. He wants to take me to his parents, but I am not ready. What should I do?
It's a pity that you have a degree and all you want is to be kept by a man. It’s astounding that you are worrying about men when your own life lies formless: no financial stability and no momentum in your career.
Cry, what do they teach in the universities today? Wasn't education supposed to open our minds to the realities of life? What was the purpose of being in the university if you didn't grasp a sense of how grim life is and how you desperately need autonomy to survive?
Why aren't you scared to death of being at the mercy of a man? You're young and energetic. You're only alone with no dependant. You can bounce away into the streets and hustle for yourself. The whole world is open before you right now. You can go to Mombasa or Nakuru and establish yourself there. You can fly to Comoros or the Americas.
You're literally at the junction of life, and all you choose is to cohabitate and create complications in your life. Come now, and I will tell you what shall befall you in the days to come, whether you turn to the right or the left henceforth.
If you stiffen your neck and stay on this path of self-ruin, your days shall be hard. You're not learning self-reliance, and time is running out. You've already squandered the first five years in riotous living, like the prodigal son of old. Three years after now, you'll arrive at adulthood, and life will pick up momentum.
After 25, responsibilities usually arrive, and your biological clock begins to tick. Your frontal brain will finish maturing, and your eyes will be opened to the world. If you won't have carved a space for yourself in the career world, you'll be at the mercy of these men you're so preoccupied with.
Lift your eyes now and behold the beautiful skies because this may be the last time you're beholding them as a free person. After this, you'll be bound. You'll be bound to a master of a husband, and you'll be at their beck and call.
Getting your own money and securing a career path is what gives you the bargaining power to marry a partner and not a provider. When you can't lift your weight in life, you marry for survival rather than affection or love. When you can't give yourself the life you dream about, you trade your life for a man who can give it to you. That's the path you're taking.
Peradventure, you may recover your footing career-wise. But even then, you will have skipped the work of developing your mind and expanding your life to greater horizons. This is the time to move around and meet important people. This is the time to knock on doors and put your foot inside the industry you studied.
Recently, a woman confessed how she took the path you're taking. She left campus directly into a man's house, a suicidal blunder. She was 23 just like you. Twenty years and four children later, she was forced to walk out. She made millions and built many businesses, but they were all taken away from her. She was trusting the wrong people. She's starting afresh so late in the day. She wishes someone had whispered these things to her.
I advise you to take a U-turn. Change your ways both morally and mentally.
Morally, stop throwing your pearls to pigs. Prove that you're not just another woman men can put in their house and lay with when they don't even know her parents. You're worthy more than that. Mentally, take the steering wheel of your life. You're schooled now, and you can give yourself whatever kind of life you desire. Do not hand over the keys to your happiness to a man.
Do not expect true love and lasting marriage to come easy. That's a fallacy you're falling for. Things that last don't come easy, and things that come easy don't last. You can't date by sleeping around or cohabitating and expect to reap anything worth keeping. Shake yourself from this hypnosis and seize the few remaining years of your youth to put a solid foundation for your future.
If you see that many of your colleagues are already moving in with their boyfriends and even getting babies, just remember that wide is the road that leads to destruction, and narrow is the way that leads to life. Do you want life and peace? Then, follow the narrow path of life.
