I noticed Daisy looked different the moment she walked into the consultation room. She had two small studs on the top of her nostrils, a bigger one under the lower lip and five in each of her ears.
She also had a prominent tattoo on the left hand and a smaller one on the right.
“I am not sure whether you can help me,” she said, interrupting my scrutiny of her unique body art. “My husband is pushing me to extremes and it has reached a point of conflict.”
Daisy had been married for two years. At the time of marriage, she had three studs in her ears, one on her nose and a small tattoo on her right hand.
“I just wanted to look unique and beautiful. Little did I know that my body art is what attracted this man to me!” She exclaimed.
Once married, her husband convinced her to add a nose stud, a bigger tattoo on the left hand, and to put a stud on her lower lip.
“And you will not believe what else,” she added looking away and avoiding eye contact. “I have rings on my nipples, another on the belly button and a tattoo on my back!”
The source of conflict between Daisy and David, her husband was that the man was now demanding a ring on the clitoris.
“I just can’t understand my husband, it is so weird what he likes,” said Daisy.
I asked her to bring David to the clinic in her next appointment. She obliged and they came back together the next day.
A brief talk with David revealed that his wife’s body art was the source of his sexual gratification. By touching the studs, rings and tattoos David got aroused sexually. In fact it is the presence of body art in Daisy that attracted him to her.
He convinced her to do the additional art after marriage to enhance his sexual satisfaction. The more body art Daisy did, the higher the sexual attraction and gratification David got.
It is important to note that for most women body art is for beauty and self confidence. Beauty and self confidence are important ingredients for initiating and growing relationships and intimacy.
People who feel ugly and lack self-confidence are unlikely to have intimate relationships. On this front, therefore, body art is important.
On the other hand, there are communities that do body art as a rite of passage. A number of African communities, especially from Western Africa and South Sudan tattoo their faces for this reason.
Other communities make a big hole in the ear while others remove one or more teeth. As long as the meaning is well understood and agreed upon in the community, it is all acceptable.
Yet still there are people who do body art as a sign of rebellion to social order. Criminal gangs have previously used body art to identify each other.
Most other reasons for body art are individualised. Some people add an art to mark an important milestone in life, such as getting a university degree or a new job.
Others do it for religious reasons while others do it to conceal a scar or other body deformities. Businesses have sometimes also paid people to carry a tattoo of their brand.
Whatever the reason may be, most body art is permanent and has to be well thought out before execution.
But the case of Daisy and David was a special one. It was a case of body art being used as a sexual fetish.
A sexual fetish is an object, art or body part that arouses one sexually when observed, touched or rubbed.
A fetish is not a genital organ but in itself results in sexual satisfaction. In some cases it is an important component of a sexual encounter without which the sex cannot be complete. In fact some men will not get an erection unless a fetish is part of the play.
“Now that is me!” exclaimed David. “I can’t get sexual arousal without the physical touch of Daisy’s body art and the more she can have the better for me.”
Given the pain that one has to go through in getting body art and the fact that most of it is permanent, a couple has to openly discuss and agree on the extent to which they should go if one of the partners has a fetish for body art. Like in any other asexual activities, communication and consent by both parties is critical.
As much as possible, do involve a health worker in discussing body art to ensure safety. There have been cases of infection following body art.
Some of the infections, such as HIV and Hepatitis B, are life-threatening yet totally preventable if body art is done under hygienic conditions.
After several meetings with David and Daisy, the couple agreed to spare the clitoris and make use of the art Daisy already had.
10 years later, their marriage stands, and intimacy has not suffered a single blow as David continues to enjoy his fetish within what is agreeable to Daisy while trying other ways of diversifying intimacy.
