I am in my early 30s. I am married with two children under eight. I work as a teacher in the same job group as my husband. We earn the same gross amount, about Sh73,200 each (basic salary and allowances). However, our paychecks have become a source of financial distress at home. My husband feels like he is getting poorer while I am getting richer. He complains that we are driving him broke with rent and household expenses while my salary remains intact. But I think that he is just careless with his money.
I also contribute when he is unable to, and I also send some money to his mum while helping my siblings financially. When we got married, our financial goal was to buy a plot, build a house, and buy a car before we could think of other investments. We have not achieved any of these. We live in Kiambu County but teach in Nairobi County, which gives us a better house and commuter allowance. How can we budget our salaries to start moving forward without either of us feeling misused? Sharon
Gertrude Njeri is an accountant, personal finance and investment consultant and founder of Financial Buddy Africa.
From what you have shared, you have a combined gross income of Sh146,400 per month. Your actual take-home pay will be lower after statutory and other deductions, so the first step is to establish exactly how much money reaches each of your accounts.
I would encourage you to stop looking at your salaries as two separate amounts and start looking at them as one household financial resource, while still allowing each of you to retain personal financial independence.
Sit down together and list everything you spend money on. Include rent, groceries, electricity, water, cooking gas, transport to and from Nairobi, school fees, childcare, medical expenses, clothing, entertainment, debt repayments and any other household commitments.
Then separately account for the money you each send to your parents, siblings and other relatives.
This last part is particularly important. You mentioned that you support your husband's mother and your siblings, but we don't know how much each of you spends on these obligations.
You may discover that your husband is paying more of the visible household expenses while you are handling other expenses that he doesn’t fully appreciate. Alternatively, you may discover that one of you is spending significantly more on personal needs or family obligations.
For example, if your combined monthly take-home income is Sh120,000, you could agree to contribute Sh60,000 each into a joint household account. This account would cover rent, food, utilities, children's expenses, transport and other agreed household costs.
You could also agree that certain expenses, such as rent and school fees, are paid directly from the joint account, making it easier for both of you to see where the money goes.
However, equal contributions should not become a rigid rule if your actual take-home incomes differ significantly because of loan deductions or other commitments. In that case, you can agree on contributions proportional to your respective net incomes.
Your husband should not feel that every shilling he earns disappears into family responsibilities. Equally, you should not feel that you have to account for every personal purchase or justify having money left in your account.
For example, if your household budget allows each of you to retain Sh5,000 or Sh7,000 monthly for personal spending, agree on that amount in advance.
You can use it for grooming, personal shopping, outings, hobbies or anything else you choose, without having to seek permission from your spouse.
The important thing is that this personal spending comes after the household's essential expenses and agreed savings contributions have been taken care of.
Financial transparency does not mean surrendering your financial independence. It means agreeing on your responsibilities so that neither person feels exploited.
First, build an emergency fund equivalent to at least three to six months of essential household expenses. With two young children, you need a financial cushion for unexpected medical bills, school expenses or a disruption in either person’s income. You can build this gradually in an accessible, regulated money market fund or another suitable low-risk savings vehicle.
Second, start a dedicated plot-purchase fund. Agree on the location, approximate cost and how much you need for the deposit or full purchase. Before paying for any land, conduct independent due diligence on the title, ownership and any encumbrances.
Third, plan for the house and vehicle based on affordability. Building a house is a substantial financial commitment, and buying a car comes with ongoing costs beyond the purchase price. You need to understand how each decision will affect your ability to save and invest.
Suppose your combined take-home income is Sh120,000 and, after reviewing your expenses, you can afford to save Sh15,000 every month.
•Sh8,000 towards your plot-purchase fund.
•Sh5,000 towards your emergency fund.
•Sh2,000 towards a children's education fund.
Your actual amounts should be based on your net income, household expenses and existing financial obligations.
At this rate, you would save Sh96,000 towards the plot in one year, Sh60,000 towards emergencies and Sh24,000 towards education, before any interest or investment returns.
The amounts may look modest compared with the cost of buying land or building a house, but consistency is how you begin making progress.
Once a month, sit down and review what came in, what went out, how much you saved and whether you stayed within your agreed budget.
Discuss any upcoming school fees, family obligations, medical expenses or major purchases before they become emergencies.
Instead, ask: "Our combined income is Sh146,400 gross. What is preventing us from making progress towards the goals we agreed on?"
You need to consider whether living in Kiambu is actually saving you money after accounting for commuting costs, time and other expenses.
Compare your current rent and transport costs with what you would spend if you lived closer to work. Don't assume moving closer to Nairobi is automatically better, or that staying in Kiambu is automatically cheaper.
The best arrangement is the one that leaves your household with more disposable income without compromising your children's needs and your quality of life.
