Only through tough love and accountability will she be able to break this destructive cycle.
My sister has been bombarding me with over 30 messages in just a few days, asking for money and professing her love, hoping I'll give in. She owes me over Sh70,000 and now wants to borrow another Sh20,000.
She’s taken out all kinds of digital loans and borrowed from nearly everyone. Many of her friends have admitted to blocking her because she’s always asking for money and doesn’t repay.
I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being taken advantage of. When I bring this up, people say I’m overreacting and should just give her the money since I have it. My sister’s panic has reached new heights, and her incessant demands are overwhelming me. What should I do? – Dan, Kisii
READER’S ADVISE
Dan, it sounds like you need to set clear boundaries with your sister. Let her know that you can't continue lending money until she pays back what she already owes. It's important to protect yourself from being taken advantage of, even if she's family. – Mercy, Kitegela, Nairobi
Your sister needs to take responsibility for her actions. Instead of giving her more money, offer to help her find ways to manage her debt or seek financial counselling. This way, you're supporting her in a more sustainable way. – Arnold, Eldoret
It's not overreacting to feel overwhelmed by your sister's demands. Your well-being matters too. Explain your situation calmly and suggest alternative ways she can seek help. Sometimes tough love is necessary for both of you. – Stephen Muriithi, Meru
EXPERT’S ADVICE
As her brother, it’s natural for you to want to help your sibling, but you are right to be concerned about the implications of giving in to her constant demands.
From your description, her persistent habit of asking for money indicates a deeper underlying issue that needs to be addressed. She cannot live her life borrowing and hoping to avoid repayment — it’s an unsustainable cycle. Her behaviour suggests she might be stuck in a pattern resembling addiction, where she has created a reality in which her desires must be fulfilled, regardless of the consequences.
In my view, continuing to give her money will only enable her dependency and reinforce the notion that she doesn’t need to take responsibility for her spending habits. This lack of accountability explains why she doesn’t repay her loans or feel obligated to make amends.
It’s time for an honest and unvarnished conversation with her. She needs to hear the truth from someone who genuinely cares about her well-being. Don’t sugarcoat it—her behaviour is manipulative, as she has learned how to play on your emotions to make you feel guilty or obligated to help her, even though you know it’s unjustified.
Set clear boundaries, and encourage her to seek professional help if necessary. Only through tough love and accountability will she be able to break this destructive cycle. – Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I am a 22-year-old college student, and I find myself in a complicated situation. A woman has confessed that she loves me, but I’m unsure about her exact age, though she seems older than me. She has a boyfriend and works, while I am still in school. I feel confused because I don’t have much to offer—no money or significant resources—yet she claims she wants to leave her boyfriend for me. She told me she’s considering giving me a chance, but with my studies resuming this January, it seems difficult for her to manage things until we can meet again.
What should I do? – Lincoln
Are you facing a dilemma? To seek help or give advice, write to: [email protected]
