Premature ejaculation still ranks as the commonest sex problem among men below the age of 35. Of course, when you consider all sexually active men of all ages, then failure to get a sufficient erection to satisfy a sexual situation becomes the commonest, simply because erectile dysfunction is commoner in the older age groups as part of the aging process.
I am focusing on this today because Andrew came to the Sexology Clinic last week in severe distress with plans of committing suicide. Andrew is 23 and just completed his Bachelor’s degree in IT. He got hired as an intern two months ago. While in campus, he tried two relationships, which failed terribly due to premature ejaculation.
“The most traumatising was the second relationship,” he says. “The girl came to my room and we started foreplay and before I knew it I had ejaculated and gone flat.” The woman pushed him away, dressed up and left. She blocked him after that.
And now, as an intern, Andrew was at it again. He had fallen in love with a colleague. The woman visited him in his newly rented studio apartment. Once again, there was foreplay but they did not go far. History repeated itself.
“I do not know how to face her at work now,” Andrew laments. “I feel useless, I want to leave the job and I feel like killing myself, I cannot live this way.”
Tears flowed freely from his eyes. He did not care to wipe. He was devastated. He fetched his handkerchief and blew his nose.
“You are not the only one in the world with this problem,” I said. “I see men here with this complaint all the time, give them medicine, and they live happily thereafter.”
Premature ejaculation is a situation where one is unable to hold himself from climaxing long enough for a satisfactory sexual experience. While many times it is the woman who is left hanging and complains, there are several occasions where a man feels that they themselves have finished too fast and did not get the satisfaction they were looking for. In other words, premature ejaculation causes unhappiness in both men and women alike.
The question many people ask is how long sex should last to be considered mature, the opposite of premature ejaculation. Well, the first rule of the game is that as long as both parties are happy with the duration there should be no worry. Hence, there are as many acceptable durations of sex as the number of sexual events that are satisfactory to couples in the world. This also means that a couple may have episodes they feel are satisfactory and others that are not.
When most sexual episodes are unsatisfactory because of accelerated ejaculation, making one or both parties complain or feel unhappy, then a couple should take action. They should be examined to find out if the ejaculation qualifies as premature.
Scientists have tried to record sexual episodes to determine the duration of sex that most couples consider satisfactory. This led to a conclusion that ejaculation that happens either before penetration, or within one minute of penetration should be considered as severe premature ejaculation. Ejaculation that occurs between one and three minutes is moderately severe; and that between three and five minutes mild premature ejaculation.
“Why does premature ejaculation happen?” Andrew asked. “Is there food I should eat?”
Most of the premature ejaculations do not have a traceable cause. It is said that this type of premature ejaculation is evolutionary. At one point in the history of mankind there was mate competition and if a man found a chance they had to finish quickly before being hounded out of the act. Culture has however evolved, and people stay longer now but there are those still stuck in history. Their bodies react quickly, and they cannot control it.
Secondary premature ejaculation is however different. There is an underlying problem which could be a medical, psychological or even a social problem. It developed later in life.
Irrespective of the type of premature ejaculation, treatment is available. After a full evaluation to diagnose, classify the problem as well as determine any underlying causes and resulting effects, bespoke treatment is designed. It is therefore not a reason at all to get stressed to the point of contemplating suicide.
