They say it is far better to revel in solitude than to yearn for companionship. Yet there is always a persistent, innate longing for a partner, a life companion, or a soulmate.
As Joseph Roux said, isolation kills.
Life can be hard, laden with stress, disappointment, and frustration. Add an uncaring partner to the mix, and it becomes unbearable.
Marriage, especially when you find the right partner, one who makes you laugh, brings out the best in you, and knows your love language — can soften any blows or curveballs that life throws at you.
In the honeymoon phase of any relationship, it is easy to find fun activities to do together. But as time goes by, neglect may creep in and loosen your bond with your partner.
The daily struggle to stay on top of your career, be a good parent to your children, and pay all your bills can hurt any relationship.
For this reason, marriage counsellors advise couples to always find ways of strengthening their bond amid the hustle and bustle of life.
This week, four couples share the routines and activities that have kept their marriages alive and strengthened their bond over the years.
Joshua Bosire and Ruth Mwende
Joshua and Ruth have been married for a year. The two work at the same company, Jayb Events, as CEO and director.
Couples who work together often take work home, and their professional life may overshadow their love life.
“We noticed that we had prioritised our company more than our relationship. My wife would see me more as a business partner than a marriage companion. That’s when we decided to create fun activities that we could do together,” Joshua says.
They set aside time to watch movies together, go on adventurous road trips and adrenaline-pumping like zip-lining.
They have set aside specific days exclusively for bonding. They soon realised they both had a passion for creative writing.
“I realised that Ruth loves writing. In our company, we offer photography and videography services, and I noticed that my wife was so creative. She would make funny and interesting captions and some short intriguing comments to accompany the photos. Our clients were so impressed,” he says.
Recognising that spontaneity and surprises make relationships less monotonous, Joshua and Ruth embraced impromptu gestures of love.
“We have date nights where we just enjoy each other’s company. Every weekend, we go for either dinner or lunch. A memorable experience was when we tried the Truth or Dare game. It made us get to know more about each other and also realise each other’s preferences and fantasies,” Joshua says.
Naomi is a lecturer, a mother and a wife. She has been married for three years now.
“When our first child came into our lives, we realised the importance of carving out time to keep our relationship vibrant and alive. To make our marriage work, we decided to create some fun activities that we do together,” she says.
We play video games, binge-watch TV shows, dance, and go on road trips.
“We realised that when we do such fun activities together, we stay more connected,” she says.
Amid their busy schedules, the two prioritise quality time.
“We set aside a specific time for ourselves every day. Whether it is unwinding together after a long day of work or simply enjoying each other’s company, we make it a point to be present and fully engaged with each other.”
However, Naomi reveals that balancing work, personal commitments, and spending time with her husband requires discipline and sticking to a strict schedule. Discovering new hobbies together has proven to be a delightful journey for the two.
Naomi Shinda and her husband love dancing and watching movies for fun.
Photo credit: Courtesy
From cheering on their favourite football teams to one partner learning how to drive under the patient guidance of the other, these shared experiences have strengthened their bond.
Additionally, Naomi says that spontaneity and surprises play a crucial role in keeping their relationship dynamic.
“He surprises me with gifts, and I also reciprocate. If we have time and money, we go on evening dates just to relax.”
The two have also established traditions that they both cherish, like praying together every evening, hugging and kissing before leaving the house, and coming home with a small gift to show appreciation.
She says that date nights are non-negotiable for them, whether it is a cosy night in, or a romantic dinner out.
“One memorable experience that brought us closer was when I taught my husband how to make ugali, a traditional Kenyan dish. It was a hilarious yet heartwarming moment that reminded us of the importance of learning and growing together, both in the kitchen and in life.”
Wycliffe Ngoti and Lydia Ngoti
A campaign period in 2020 almost broke the relationship that Wycliffe and Lydia had built for more than 10 years.
Wycliffe is a consultant in the hospitality industry, while Lydia is a nurse.
Lydia says that her husband engaged in vigorous campaigns in Nairobi’s Kibera by-elections in 2020 after the death of the then Member of Parliament, Ken Okoth.
“He was so busy that we had no time together. This is when we realised that there was a need for us to come up with fun activities to reconnect.”
“We started singing in the church choir and going for choir competitions inside and outside our parish,” she says.
“We are strict with our designated time, which we spend doing various activities at home. Basically, there is no technique, although each activity is assigned its own time.”
Wycliffe Ngoti and Lydia Ngoti built their bond by conducting door-to-door evangelism.
Photo credit: Courtesy
The couple agrees that finding a neutral, fun activity for them is a big challenge.
“We can decide to do my husband’s way this time, next time we do things my way.”
Apart from singing in the choir, the two also enjoy travelling.
“We have made it a tradition to travel to the village at the end of the year unless we have some unforeseen circumstances that make us go upcountry in the course of the year. The change of environment alone strengthens our bond,” Wycliffe says.
Going on holidays to be intimate away from their normal home environment makes things fresh and exciting.
What spiced things up in their marriage was when they were chosen as the best couple by a youth couple in their church.
Anne and her partner have cultivated a deeply intimate routine that enriches their relationship daily. Each morning, they deliberately rise an hour earlier and use the quiet time in bed to share their dreams, concerns, and plans for the day.
These moments help them connect, solidify their bond, and set a positive tone for the day. Their intimacy extends beyond the morning hours, encompassing small yet meaningful rituals that punctuate their daily lives.
“After spending time in bed, we shower together. This is a fun activity that we really value. Those 15 minutes in the bathroom may seem mundane to some, but for us, they are sacred. It is where we shed the stresses of the day, where we open up about our triumphs and challenges, and where we strengthen our connection, one drop of water at a time.”
Evenings become the canvas upon which their bond truly flourishes. Whether cooking together, canoodling while watching a movie, or on a spontaneous adventure, each moment becomes an opportunity to deepen their connection.
They avoid going to clubs and going on drinking sprees and instead prefer engaging in activities that cement their bond.
In the digital age, staying connected takes on new dimensions for Ann and her partner. They use platforms like Instagram to find adventures they can share, and exchange posts of places to visit, and activities to try.
“Yet, amid our quest for unity, we understand the importance of individuality. We give each other space to pursue our own interests, nurture our own friendships, and maintain a sense of self within the confines of our relationship. It is this balance of togetherness and autonomy that keeps our love alive and thriving, even in the busiest of times.”
Beatrice Cornel and Cornel Odhiambo
Beatrice Cornel, a 30-year-old behavioural researcher, and her husband, Cornel Odhiambo, have been happily married for five years.
Together, they engage in various spiritual activities, including prayer, attending church, participating in door-to-door evangelism, and volunteering at charitable events.
For them, these activities are not just about serving others; they are opportunities to strengthen their bond as they navigate their spiritual journey together.
However, for fun, Beatrice says that they gossip.
“It is our thing. We talk about anything and everything, no holds barred, as long as nobody’s feelings get hurt.
It is liberating, I tell you. And when life gets so busy, we keep the communication lines open. Calls, texts, WhatsApp messages…whatever it takes to stay connected and updated on each other’s day.”
Beatrice Cornel and Cornel Odhiambo watch movies together every weekend and love to have hilarious conversations.
Photo credit: Courtesy
Dinner holds a special significance for Beatrice and Cornel. It provides the perfect time to come together, share a meal, and reinforce their love for one another.
“Lately, I have been making an effort to come home early just so we can keep those conversations going.
From jokes to serious stuff, we talk about it all. It is something I never thought I would enjoy so much, but here I am, loving every minute of it.”
Spontaneity is a key element of their relationship, with surprises and impromptu date nights keeping the romance alive.
Despite having different interests, they communicate openly, find common ground, and make compromises to ensure their relationship thrives while staying true to themselves.
They have also established rituals, such as spontaneous outings, to maintain a sense of connection and excitement in their relationship.
Travelling is a shared passion and fun activity for them, and they love exploring new places and trying new things as a couple.
“One of our favourites moments was on Valentine’s Day last year. We did not plan to do anything, we just went with the flow and ended up at Taidy’s Suites in Nakuru for a magical evening. It is moments like those that remind us why we fell in love in the first place. Our love knows no bounds. It is not about schedules or timetables; it is about living and loving in the moment.”
