Had her only friend not approached Leah Lencer Akinyi about a decade ago, perhaps she’d still not have a friend other than her husband. Leah mirrors many introverts who, according to psychology, prefer to focus on their inner thoughts and ideas rather than what happens externally.
“Introversion is inherent, though there is a school of thought that argues that it can be as a consequence of life experiences; I believe mine is innate,” argues Leah.
“There were always activities for children and youth to participate in. I grew around extremely social surroundings with a more-than-I-could-handle sense of community, which demands that people interact. I preferred reading books to meeting people, watching TV to going outside. My parents never worried about my safety or security as I’d always be found at home. Attending church was such a burden for me. At school, the mandatory participation in games was a punishment that I took begrudgingly. It is not the activities that I had a strong aversion for, it is the thought of being next to people, talking or listening to them,” she shares.
Leah Lenser Akinyi Oduor, 28 year old, Stay at home mother, in Nairobi.
Photo credit: Pool
Leah has above-normal social anxiety: “I am rarely outside my house and rarely attend social events. The last I attended was two years ago—my sister’s wedding. I had to stay for weeks at home to recharge my social battery afterwards.”
Her family has become accustomed to her silence and at times nonchalance, which other people misconstrue to be rudeness or a blotted sense of self-importance.
“To be misunderstood, I think, is every introvert’s Achilles heel. Imagine going to a social event and never once lifting your face to look at the person seated next to you, or leaving the said event without as much as knowing what they look like. Even at the wedding two years ago, some people reported that I snubbed them. In reality, I was just anxious and unable to interact with them. By the time I got to the event, I had done enough interaction for the day and I felt as though I was in a hostage situation and my only redemption would be to go back to my house and find my peace,” she says.
Her dating days were crowned with accusations of not putting in enough effort to keep the romance alive.
“My phone is always on silent mode; I have disabled notifications and I can go for days without touching it. The dating stage, as I saw, demands that you devote attention to your partner through texts, phone calls, sharing of memes. I am that girlfriend that will not demand consistency in that ‘good morning text’. I assume that if we talked yesterday and you were okay, we don’t need to, again, ask each other the same thing today.”
She would find texts she had not responded to days later and this stoked the fire that is her anxiety and eventually, after many attempts, the boyfriend would opt out.
She is barely on social media and you will not find her sharing photos of herself or activities (if any) that she has been part of. Her friend complains when she shares reels that grow cold after days or remain unread.
“At first my friend and I would fight about this, these days, she has accepted that this is who I am and she will not pressure me into becoming someone else,” Leah says.
A few years ago, she got a job in marketing. “I don’t think I have ever struggled in anything as I did for the short time I was in that job. I quit within the month with an excuse that I was going back to school.” She is now a housewife.
As a mother to very social children, her biggest struggle is integrating with communities for the benefit of her children.
“I can’t deny them the chance to be who they are because of my inert personality, so, the sacrifice here is getting out there when the need arises,” she says.
As far as extended family is concerned: “We don’t talk, and when we do, it is truly unavoidable.”
Like Leah, Paula Norah Kodia keeps to her space and her silence.
“There are times I see on people’s faces unanswered questions about my silence. Living with my sister has manifested this side of me quite clearly. She will find me in the house silent, not watching TV, not doing anything, just seated enjoying my peace,” she says. “It has never sat well with my mother that I can enjoy solitude. She will call to ask if I am okay and whether I am going through something. I could be going through the best season of my life, but my silence and aloneness will still prevail.”
Paula Norah Kodia poses for a photo after the interview in Kikuyu on April 24, 2025.
Photo credit: Lucy Wanjiru | Nation
Over the years, Paula has made no more than ten friends.
“I have had the same friends since I left high school. Occasionally, we will meet and catch up and when they notice I have started slipping into my space amid the noise and merry-making, they will excuse me. My best friend is always quick to note when I exhaust my people quota,” Pula says.
She takes days to recover the energy expended every time she meets people. I am a, “I can’t wait to get back to my house and lock out all the noise,” person.
She expresses her thoughts with great clarity in writing. “I have a blog where I share experiences, stories and thoughts when I feel like I need to let out or communicate to the world.”
This, she says is a good outlet for introverts who, at times, are overwhelmed but cannot bring themselves to talking or interacting with people.
Every time she sees her phone come to life with a call, she panics. “I have one of those, ‘I am in a meeting,’ quick message responses that is very handy when I can’t pick up calls, which is most of the time. People who know me understand that I prefer texts to calls.”
Paula recently quit her job. While she was still employed, she made an arrangement with her supervisor to work from home unless she had to go to the office.
“I am a good team player, but I believe that working is not necessarily a contact sport. If one can accomplish tasks at home, in the comfort of their couch, then that opportunity should be granted. We have so many introverts out there whose productivity is not optimal because their working environment does not favour their personality,” Paula says. “ It is unfair to expect the work environment to adjust to who you are—and that is not what I am saying. What I am saying is that task-based work should be normalised as opposed to demanding physical presence in the traditional brick and mortar set up.”
Paula will push herself to attend events if they are very necessary. “A friend or relative’s wedding, a funeral, maybe a party, are some of life’s defining moments for people, and they are the price introverts pay to keep their small circles. However, I take time to confirm my attendance. Sometimes I very well know that I do not have conflicting calendars but my response will always be, ‘let me check my calendar and get back to you’. I have cancelled many times and attended events last minute. I don’t see the need to attend your event and then spend my time there feeling anxious and ready to leave all through. It is easier not to attend.”
In matters of romantic relationships, Paula has had it easy.
“Romantic relationships must mean something to me. I don’t just get into them for the sake of it. My dating pool has therefore been very small and I have had people that understand me and will not demand things that are outside my bandwidth of comfort,” she explains.
Would she ever switch personalities if she had the chance? “I think some of us are meant to be the silent observers in life, those that pick and note everything and don’t feel the need to voice it out—at least not verbally. I am comfortable with who I am and given a chance I’d choose to come back as an introvert.”
Paul Williams Ng’ang’a’s introvertedness has caused him great misunderstanding. The trained teacher of English, while in teaching practice, would not be approached by students even when they wanted help with classwork.
“Teaching is a career that I love and that I chose to pursue. Unfortunately, it conflicts with my personality. Teachers are known for vibrance and out-there personalities, this is not who I am, and for many people, this is a wall they will not jump over.”
Lyam Lee (Peter Williams) during an interview on April 22, 2025 at Nation Centre building in Nairobi.
Photo credit: Billy Ogada | Nation
“You see, singing is what I do. And when I meet people out there because of the nature of my videos, they expect me to be as jovial and active as depicted in my work. My true nature is met with disappointment and misconstrued as pride, and since I can’t keep on explaining that this is just who I am, I have been judged harshly before people get to know me.”
He struggles to count friends outside his family members. “Most friendships are based on availability and showing up for others—this is especially difficult for me as I struggle a lot being around people. I think of it as a burden to the people I am meeting. How do I meet people and then retreat to myself? They will think of me as a buzz kill. When I turn down these invitations, it is usually not about me. It is about the host. I wear their shoes and try to feel what they’d feel if positions were switched.”
His family understands him and will not ask him to get out of his skin when it comes to socialising and meeting people outside his usual countable few.
“The best version of any introvert’s existence is to be in a space where they don’t suffer performative pressure. That I don’t have to appear in places, talk to people then crush under exhaustion is truly underrated.”
Does he feel anxious when performing on stage? “No, I don’t. What I suffer is the meet and greet that is common when concerts end and a few people can access you. It is the one thing I don’t look forward to doing whenever I am on stage.”
