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My friend’s hubby is hitting on me
Conceptual photo of a marital infidelity. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP
What you need to know:
- Talk to the man about why you can never date him and if he persists, talk to your friend and explain the situation. The truth will set you free.
- Men don’t give up easily so asking him to stop may not help much. Just keep off and things will be fine
I have known my best friend since high school and people think we are sisters. She is married and has a young child, but I am still single and childless. Whenever she has nanny problems, she calls upon me and I drop everything to help her. I run a business so I’m flexible. I have also had many sleepovers at her home during times when I don’t want to be home alone. Her husband has started hitting on me. I have warned him and threatened to tell my friend, but he is unrelenting. Nowadays when she invites me to her home, I find an excuse not to go. I don’t want to be in the same house with that man. My friend has noticed that I no longer go to her house as often as I used to and she is wondering why. I’m afraid of telling her about her husband because she is very happy in her marriage and the news that he has been hitting on me will break her heart. What should I do?
Readers’ advice
If you value your friendship then keep away from your friend’s house and keep a distance from her husband. Don’t open a pandora’s box by telling your friend because first, it will strain your relationship with your friend and secondly, it may break your friend’s marriage. So, be very careful. Keep yourself busy as an excuse to avoid going to your friend’s house even if she asks for your help with nanny matters. This will help you avoid her husband. Men don’t give up easily so asking him to stop may not help much. Just keep off and things will be fine.
John Musuku
If indeed you love your best friend and you cherish the truth, tell her what is happening between you and her husband for the good of her marriage. It may hurt her but if she learns about it later, it will completely break her heart, her happy marriage and your relationship as well. Take courage, reach out to your best friend and tell her the truth and your conscience will be clear. The truth is a bitter pill but it heals.
Brother Gerald Kariuki
Why do you want to terminate a friendship by refusing to face the situation head on? Do you think she will get another great friend to replace you? Be open with her as you have always been by letting her understand what is happening between you and her husband. She might feel annoyed and hurt, but your sincerity will provide a solution to this predicament and strengthen your relationship. Juma Felix
Try to avoid your friend’s husband because if you tell her about the situation she will hate you and she won’t even believe you because she is happily married and trusts her husband. Staying away will save your friendship and stop the man from pursuing you. Kennedy Katsemba
Your friend’s husband has no respect for her, so you need to spill the beans. Maybe God is using you to reach out to your friend and her husband. All he wants is to get inside your pants and you never know, he might even rape you. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes and do what you would want her to do if she was facing your dilemma. Andrew Kiriago
Tell your friend the whole story before all hell breaks loose. Do it before it injures your friendship. True, telling her will hurt their marriage but not as much as when she realises you have been having an affair or at least her man has been hitting on you yet you never said a word about it. Delfhin Mugo
Talk to the man about why you can never date him and if he persists, talk to your friend and explain the situation. The truth will set you free. Do not make the mistake of dating the man because that will destroy your good relationship with your friend. Macharia N. Calvin
It is good that you want to be a true and respectful friend. Don’t accept her husband’s advances but keep this to yourself because telling your friend will only sow conflict. When the man realises that you won’t give in, he will respect your decision. Otherwise keep helping your friend. Rufus M Karuru
EXPERT ADVICE
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
Telling you to avoid your friend’s home is not a long-term solution to your problem. On the other hand, telling your friend about it will only hurt her unnecessarily. Here’s what you need to do: Challenge your friend’s husband by testing his manhood. If he persists tell him that if he man enough to hit on you in his marital home, then he should tell his wife that he desires you. Tell him to come clean and showcase his flirtatious character to his wife. Trust me, if you ask him to do this, there is no way he will follow through and his ego will be bruised to the point where he will stop making advances at you; that is unless he really wants you to spill the beans.
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
I am a 24-year-old man dating a 26-year-old woman. She has a four-year-old child. We have dated for two years now and we love each other. My problem is neither with her age (she is older than me) nor with her child. What I am worried about is whether my parents will accept her. I am afraid they may not and especially my mother who wants me to marry a neighbour’s daughter. How should I go about this to avoid hurting any of the parties, bearing in mind that I took this woman from a serious relationship that would have ended in marriage. Please advise.
