'Baby daddies demand sex to co-parent': Jess Hilarious’s lessons on boundaries and personal growth
Jess Hilarious, an American stand-up comedian, actress, and media personality known for her digital content and television work.
What you need to know:
- Comedian Jess Hilarious recounts motherhood struggles, financial hardship and difficult co-parenting experiences with her son’s father.
- From teenage pregnancy to fame, she shares personal lessons on resilience, parenting and independence.
Jess Hilarious, born Jessica Robin Moore, is from Baltimore, Maryland. She has spent 11 years building a successful career in US stand-up comedy and the performing arts. She has appeared on the Fox television sitcom Rel, the popular MTV show Wild ’N Out, and the daytime television talk show All Def Comedy. She currently co-hosts the morning radio programme The Breakfast Club, which was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. In 2021, Jess created the podcast Carefully Reckless, and in 2024, she launched her Messy Vision eyewear brand.
In 2011, Jess, then a naïve 19-year-old, tearfully told her boyfriend, Gerome “Rome” James, in the basement of his stepmother’s house that she was pregnant. She felt embarrassed and defeated, but Rome appeared genuinely excited by the news.
During her pregnancy, Jess felt lonely and learnt about Rome’s numerous affairs. She worked throughout her pregnancy as an overnight manager at a McDonald’s restaurant and discovered that Rome had relationships with several young female employees from the morning shift. He also became involved with women he met online, at school and through his basketball camp. By her third trimester, Jess regretted ever meeting him.
Jess’s father, Kevin Moore, helped Rome secure a minimum-wage job as a security guard at the hospital where she was due to give birth. The night before she went into labour, Jess and Rome argued over his infidelity after she discovered he had slept with one of his fellow security guards. The heated exchange reportedly caused her water to break.
At 3am on April 14, 2012, Jess gave birth to Ashton Amar James. As Rome continued to live a carefree bachelor lifestyle, she raised Ashton at her parents’ home. After six weeks of maternity leave, she returned to work. Her mother, Robin Ann Bradshaw, a licensed childcare provider, charged her $75 a week to care for Ashton at her private preschool daycare centre. Determined to move out, Jess began stealing money from the cash register at McDonald’s to save enough for her own place.
As an overnight manager, stealing was easier, but she was eventually caught and dismissed after being exposed by an accomplice. She also had an unrelated cases of identity theft and credit card fraud. As a result, finding another job proved difficult.
Jess eventually found work as a shampoo assistant at a popular barbershop in West Baltimore. She earned good money because many of the customers were generous and tipped well. She saved enough to rent an $850-a-month two-bedroom row house with a front porch, a neglected backyard and nosy neighbours.
Communication between Jess and Rome remained hostile. He even arrived at their son’s first birthday party with one of his girlfriends, sparking another argument. By then, Rome had become a popular student athlete at Morgan State University on a basketball scholarship. His reputation for womanising earned him the nickname “Wooda”, leading many people to refer to Jess as “Wooda’s baby mama”, a label she strongly disliked.
The terms “baby daddy” and “baby mama” have roots in Jamaican Creole and were popularised through hip-hop and R&B culture. They are generally informal and often carry negative connotations, referring to unmarried parents who are no longer romantically involved.
After Jess lost her job when the master barber who had hired her left the shop, she asked Rome for financial support for their son. He refused and instead attempted to use money as leverage to rekindle a sexual relationship. Whenever she rejected his advances, he withheld financial assistance. Eventually, her gas and electricity services were disconnected, forcing her to rely on candles she stole from a Dollar Tree store to light her home.
The cover of Jess Hilarious's memoir, Til Death Do We Parent: Raising My Kid with His Dad.
According to Jess, Rome continued to manipulate and pressure her, insisting that he would only help financially if she resumed a sexual relationship with him. In her memoir, Til Death Do We Parent: Raising My Kid with His Dad, she argues that some fathers exploit the financial struggles of their children’s mothers in exchange for intimacy. She claims that promises of financial support and material assistance are sometimes used as bargaining tools.
Jess writes that child support discussions, regular contact and conversations framed as co-parenting often become opportunities for some former partners to pursue romantic or sexual relationships. She describes this pattern as “entitlement trap”, where some fathers feel entitled to continued intimacy because of their shared history and parenting responsibilities.
She argues that having a child together creates a lifelong emotional connection. The psychological bond and constant communication required for co-parenting can sometimes blur personal boundaries and complicate future relationships.
When Jess began dating Emanuel, a customer she had met at the barbershop, Rome repeatedly contacted her in an effort to reconcile and disrupt her new relationship. When she ignored his calls, he allegedly told her friends that she was preventing him from seeing his son, hence he has had to confront Emanuel.
Jess believes that many co-parenting fathers struggle to respect relationship boundaries after a separation and may continue seeking affection or reconciliation. She attributes this behaviour to lingering emotional attachments, a desire to revive past relationships and attempts to maintain influence over their former partners.
The writer is a novelist, former Big Brother Africa 2 Kenyan representative and founder of Jeff's Fitness Centre (@jeffbigbrother).
