The coded language of dates who are looking for a loan, not love
A man and a woman on a date. Girls, make sure you have your bus fare back home when you go on dates.
What you need to know:
- My friend Mary taught me that when dates compliment you for being "strong and hardworking," they're likely setting you up to borrow money.
- I laughed when she revealed her perfect response to men's "small emergencies" is simply stating she has one too.
- I've learned valuable dating wisdom from her experiences: always bring your own fare home and be wary of those who can't stop talking about themselves.
When my childhood friend, Mary, told me she was preparing for a date last Sunday afternoon, I was elated. I always look forward to hearing my friends’ date stories – from the good, the bad and the shocking… most times, it is usually shocking stuff that I get to hear. But it never gets boring because every shock comes with its own uniqueness.
So when she said “I am just winding up some work and then I should be out of here by 2pm to meet him,” I knew I had guaranteed gist for Sunday evening. That was my cue to complete everything on my to-do list early, and leave enough undistracted time for our phone chat when she returned from the date. If the guy turned out to be awesome, I would listen to my friend compose love stories around him; if he was not so nice, it would still be good fodder for Sunday evening laughter. Either way, it was a win.
“The guy has actually been asking me out for a while, but he is quite boring, at least going by our conversations on the phone. Also, he keeps asking ‘what I have for him’, a question I find extremely weird,” Mary said.
Well, knowing my friend, I could see exactly why “boring” was an issue. However, I could also tell that simply dismissing someone, a guy or a girl, as boring based on phone conversations is never a good idea.
“I am glad that you have decided to go on a date. Giving the two of you a chance to rule out any ‘what ifs’ – will help you know for a fact whether or not you like him. Maybe he is boring on the phone, or shy or whatever, but in person, you will experience a different person,” I said, trying to gather all the wisdom I have learned about relationships from the movies.
Read more: Why you always end up dating bad guys
“I really hope he turns out to be a great guy. Juu even today, I am wearing a dress for a date – something I never do!” my friend said, cracking me up.
I can’t believe that while I have been sweating in the place of prayer (as my friend Helen would say) for this girl to meet the right guy, she has been going on dates in jeans and T-shirts! Anyway, I decided to see the glass as half full instead of half empty – at least she was wearing a dress this time round.
Just when I thought she was done and it was time to move the conversation to other areas of planning to make sure I finally get a boyfriend-in-law, she sent me a meme of a girl walking out on a date. And she said, “If the guy says he likes me because I am strong and hardworking, I will walk out like that.”
According to my friend, if a guy says he likes you because you are strong and hardworking, there is a good chance they will borrow money from you, an experience she knows all too well.
“Not once, not twice. Several times, I have gone out with guys who have tried to borrow money from me with the line: ‘I have a small emergency.’”
From her assessment, men who end up trying to borrow money from her begin by describing her as ‘hardworking’ or ‘strong’. That is why those two words have become a red flag for her.
“So what do you say when they tell you they have a small emergency?” I asked, laughing.
“I tell them I also have a small emergency,” my friend responded without missing a heartbeat – clearly, that is a response she has been using often.
Read more: How to date a Kenyan man
She said the guys usually stop bothering her after they realise she is not about to part with her money. Naturally, because of the direction the conversation had taken, I asked her about the latest strange date that she had been to. Well, not too long ago, she went on a date with someone who turned out to be a braggart, who couldn’t stop talking about himself.
“I was exhausted. After the date, he expected that I would follow him to his house, and sleep over. The nerve! He was disappointed when I called a bike to my house,” she said.
Girls, make sure you have your bus fare back home when you go on dates. After that refreshing Sunday afternoon laughter, my friend and I parted with a promise to catch up later for the “how the date went” gist.
The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG ([email protected]).
