A powerful woman doesn’t need to shrink to be loved; she needs to choose a love that can handle her power.
Hello, if I discover that I'm making twice more than my man, should I quit the relationship? I've been wondering why he seems to struggle with some expenses, and I've chipped in several times, but now I've discovered we are on very different income brackets. What should I do?
The real question is not whether he makes less money but whether he has less ambition. What matters most is not what he's making but what he is asking out of life. The most important difference is not whether you make more than him but rather whether you have more drive. Someone can be kind, loyal, and respectful and still be a mismatch for you if you dream bigger and desire greater things.
Energy matters more than income. The most important thing is not the level of employment but the level of hunger. Someone's job or business is merely an extension of their mentality. So goes the mind, so goes the man. And so goes his money. Money is merely feedback for what someone is putting out into the world. Money is an exchange for value delivered. High-net-worth people are usually high-value people. Society looks at rich people and imagines they're just lucky. The truth is that they are rich in something else, and money is merely feedback from that.
A high-value skill. An excellent leader. A record-breaking salesperson. A revolutionary innovator. A remarkable business person. A patient investor. Money always comes from an exceptional ability in something. And we are talking about clean, ethical wealth.
So if you make significantly more money than a man, it also means you're significantly different from him in your abilities and your way of thinking. In self-improvement. In professional growth. In career growth.
Money is the outward evidence of an inward reality. And that inward reality is the man's comfort level. The kind of life they've settled for and which they will always fall back on. It doesn't matter the opportunities you avail to them or the help you extend to them. People always fall back on their comfort level. The risk they are willing to live with. The effort they are willing to put into their work. The work they're ready to put in. This is the real difference between you and them, not just money.
That's why it doesn't work when you overlook the difference and say you'll start a business for the man or pay for him to upgrade his education. He'll always fall back to his level. And the worst part? If you choose a man with lower drive, you'll be made the villain. You will be told you are pushing him too much. You're unappreciative. You're too restless. You take too many risks. You don't listen. You don't submit. You don't cooperate. You do things without informing him.
Other men will make up for the difference in leadership with physical force or verbal abuse just to feel in control. They will "humble you" by sabotaging your projects and making it a condition that you abandon your dreams to prove your obedience. The punishment for marrying down energetically will never end. You'll live to pay for it. And mark this: there are no exceptions. There must be compensation for the reversed order. The man who doesn't feel in charge may look for alternatives to feel powerful. Are we saying money is everything? No. But it's a signal for many other things.
You can out earn your husband and there's no problem if he is a secure leader, confident in his role. As long as you don't out-dream and out-vision him.
And even then, he won't settle or get comfortable with that situation. He will continue to grow and develop his skills to remain the leader and provider for his family. A genuine man does not sit down to feed on his woman's sweat. He encourages and supports her growth, but he does not relinquish leadership. He remains in front in every sense. Not by suppressing but rather by surpassing his woman in effort and sweat equity.
But, if from the beginning you select a man who is behind you in self-development, the natural order will have been reversed. Hoping that someone will eventually catch up and take over leadership is dangerous. Most people never do. If they're comfortable following from behind in the beginning, they're likely to remain like that. In short, money is not the whole story. Someone's mindset and their idea of a good life matter more. And you'll have no chance of changing them.
You are safer choosing someone who shares the same financial frequency as you. Someone whose hunger and drive for a better life match yours. That way, even if variations in income inevitably come, they will never be significant. And since you're a team of equally capable people, you'll be lifting each other in turns to make sure nobody is ever left behind. In other words, choose right from the beginning and don't be ashamed to look at a man's comfort level as far as money is concerned.
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Benjamin Zulu is a life coach and counseling psychologist.
