Why our men loathe therapy

Therapy. That’s one word that a good number of African men never give a second thought to.

Yup, I am one of those men. I don’t personally have anything against therapy — or men who go for therapy — but it has never crossed my mind. 

Sure, I have childhood trauma. When my father died last October, some of those wounds opened up.

You think you’re healed, until a tragedy strikes and opens up traumas you didn’t even think you had. 

There could be more, but below are seven reasons I think why African men dislike therapy. 

It’s a mzungu/bourgie thing

We’ve grown up watching TV programmes of white folks and those who are well-heeled attending therapy. This has made us believe that only a select category of men attend therapy. 

We saw our fathers battle their demons, yet they never went to therapy. Which made us believe therapy was not for African men. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right?

It’s a waste of money

Usually, when we spend money on ourselves, we want it to be on tangible things. Most of us cannot see the tangible benefits of therapy.

We don’t know of any man who has undergone therapy. We won’t throw our hard-earned money at some unknown venture. 

The irony is that we will spend every last red cent for a loved one to attend therapy, but not us. 

It’s a waste of time

We can only pay top-dollar to sit down for an extended period when we’re watching sports. That’s why we keep putting off those doctor’s appointments.

Or wait until it feels like an aching tooth will make us lose our minds. 

“Yeah, doc,” we’ll assure the dentist. “I’ll come for the annual checkups.” And then the cycle continues. 

Therapy involves sharing our issues with a perfect stranger 

African men are masters at keeping the lid tight about their business. You will only find out a man was struggling after they have taken their life or taken some other drastic action. 

Besides, we have a problem trusting strangers with our issues. We think they will share our struggles and make us suffer public ridicule. 

We’ll be laughed at by our peers

Perceptions matter to us. A heck lot. We value how our peers perceive us. We crave respect and will do anything to earn it.

Even if it’s beneficial to us, we will avoid doing things that may cause our mates to view us in derision. 

Therapy is for weak men

We’re used to chin up, even when trauma is snipping our ventricles. Even when clouds are gathering and it’s turning dark and a storm is brewing. Even if it is a storm so powerful it will sweep us into kingdom come — we will not seek shelter in therapy. 

We’re used to being strong. We have a capital “S” on our chest and we’ll protect our pride at all costs. 

Our trauma will die a natural death

“Time heals all wounds,” we console ourselves.

Unbeknownst to us, time only heals when we put in some work. Zero effort multiplied by time equals nothing. Or time wasted. 

We bury our ghosts under tonnes of accomplishments, busyness, and accolades; collected over time. 

But these accomplishments are leaves. In due time, the leaves rot or are blown away by winds. And the reveal is what horror movies are made of.