Oral sex is often seen as taboo in Kenya, but experts argue it’s a natural part of sexual expression, transcending cultural boundaries and rooted in mutual consent and comfort.
Let's talk about something that happens behind closed doors but rarely makes it to our dinner table conversations.
In an era where young Kenyans are more open about their relationships than ever before, oral sex remains wrapped in layers of whispers, myths, and cultural confusion.
Is it "un-African"? Is it natural? And most importantly – should we even be having this conversation? According to Professor Joachim Osur, a respected sexologist, these questions deserve honest answers.
He brings a fascinating perspective to the table: this intimate act isn't even unique to humans. Prof Osur, says that it is not restricted to humans because in the animal kingdom, animals have a tendency to lick private parts of others.
"I think it's part of sexual expression that people do have," says Prof Osur. "But we know that socially and religious-wise, there could be contention around it."
It's this tension between private practice and public perception that makes the topic so intriguing. While many Kenyans engage in oral sex, few will openly acknowledge it. The result? A cloud of confusion around what should be an informed personal choice.
Prof Osur challenges the notion that this practice belongs to any particular culture. "I would not say it is not African because these practices evolved in different communities at different times. We can't place oral sex to any community of origin. As we study, we find that in communities, people are doing it, and we don't know where it started or how people discovered its pleasure."
When is it right?
The timing varies for every couple, explains Prof Osur. Most couples explore it early in their relationships when intimacy levels are high. "When hard feelings start setting in, it's one of the areas they abandon quickly, which suggests it's one of the deepest practices in terms of expressing intimacy."
There's no fixed timeline or setting for oral intimacy. It can be a standalone practice, part of foreplay, or lead to other forms of intimacy. The key? Mutual comfort and consent.
"It is okay when the couple is comfortable doing it," Prof Osur emphasises. "I've encountered couples where it became a source of discontent when one partner wanted it while another, for religious reasons or personal beliefs, did not."
His advice for married couples? "If they feel comfortable with their sexual choices, then it's fine. If it's contentious for one party, then a good discussion will help reach consensus about whether this is for them or not."
Interestingly, attitudes towards sexual discussions shift with age. Prof Osur notes this is part of our sexual evolution: "The older one becomes, the less important they start seeing sex as, and the more they don't want to talk about it. Some even withdraw completely. The young people talking about it now will likely have different views in another decade."
The Sociology aspect
Fiona Atieno, a sociologist, observes that while people are more open about sexuality today, psychological wellbeing remains crucial. "There's more than just physical involvement in sex," she explains.
"Consider consent first. What have you exactly consented to? What kind of relationship do you have? Are you comfortable? What are your expectations and preferences?"
Atieno stresses the importance of establishing clear boundaries. "If you're not comfortable, don't force yourself," she advises.
She recommends:
- Being aware of your partner's sexual behaviour
- Building trust before intimacy
- Maintaining sexual health awareness
- Understanding what healthy intimacy looks like
With social media amplifying sexual discussions, Atieno says that, "It's important to take an interest in sexual gratification and pleasing your partner, whether you're married or single. However, there's a fine line between learning from science-based material and being exposed to inappropriate content."
Listen to your body
Though experimenting is not an offense, Ms Atieno shares that you can tell whether a certain sexual practice is not working for you if you are not experiencing pleasure.
How do you know if a practice isn't right for you? Atieno explains that your body will tell you. "If you feel pain, discomfort, fear, find yourself counting minutes, or experience guilt—then you're not enjoying it."
