Co-workers tend to have similar backgrounds, education, values and interests, share inside jokes, spend most of their day together, and grow to trust and like those they work with in the office.
Your partner’s job is somehow never quite part of your relationship, no matter how hard you try. So you probably wonder what your partner gets up to during their work hours. And especially whether there is someone they’re attached to in the office.
In fact, ‘work wives’ or ‘work husbands’ are surprisingly common, because working environments create closeness. Co-workers tend to have similar backgrounds, education, values and interests, share inside jokes, spend most of their day together, and grow to trust and like those they work with in the office.
Having a work spouse is harmless up to a point. Ideally, they’re a fun, supportive friend who makes work more enjoyable, but there’s nothing sexual going on. But because co-workers see each other so much, they often start to share their troubles from their home lives.
Which means your partner’s ‘work spouse’ can become a confidant of sorts, allowing them to discuss their home life with someone who's almost entirely separate from it. Bringing the two of them still closer together.
Ideally, you’ll have met this person and can hear about them without feeling jealous. In fact, they can be an ally rather than competition! But such closeness can blur the lines between being a co-worker and something more sinister. And so work spouses often drift over the line into infidelity.
So what are the signs that suggest that something’s going on between your partner and a co-worker? Examples include starting to hide information from you, never letting go of their phone or getting defensive about it, information that doesn’t add up about their coworker, or about their time together, spending more and more time at work, letting go of responsibilities at home, or a noticeable change in their attitude towards your feelings.
Other signs include a sudden interest in improving their appearance at work, defensiveness when asked about unexpected overtime, and a reluctance to let you speak to their work spouse or even their other co-workers. You should be concerned if you sense deception or a disturbing energy between the two, so if things don’t add up, then you need to ask your partner some direct questions.
Avoid jumping to any conclusions before you start talking, speak together in a neutral, non-intimate environment, put your phones away, and try to stick to the facts and how they make you feel, rather than making unsubstantiated accusations.
Don’t try to trap your partner or to create an atmosphere of mistrust, or you might start to create a situation that spirals out of control. Tell your partner that you’re feeling uneasy and are worried. Ask how they feel about their colleague and gauge their response. Maybe suggest that you all have coffee together sometime, and see how that proposal goes.
Just raising your concerns will probably nip any potential trouble in the bud. Because it isn’t who your partner talks to at work that matters, but how close you both are at home.
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