What do you do when you discover the love of your life is getting married on a phone screen? Three women share their stories of love, lies, and betrayal.
Joy Nekesa sits in her living room, clutching her phone tightly in her hand. Her mind replays the events of one of her worst nights like a haunting film.
She had been out with Alex Mwangi, her boyfriend of one year, sharing a quiet dinner and laughing about their plans. As always, He kissed her goodnight and promised to call her the next day.
Instead, a flood of messages from her friends came, each one more shocking than the last. Joy’s phone buzzed incessantly as images of Alex’s wedding—his wedding—poured in. There he was, standing dancing with his wife, dressed in an African print his face glowing with excitement as he exchanged vows with another woman.
The encounter with his wife leds to overwhelming feelings of betrayal and trauma.
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That’s when it hit Joy that she had become yet another statistic in what people jokingly refer to as "character development," a hard lesson in love, and a cautionary tale about the infamous reputation of "Nairobi men."
“I couldn’t breathe. A friend sent me a screenshot of their traditional wedding invitation poster that his wife had put up on TikTok. It had a beautiful picture of them smiling in matched red and black outfits,” she recalls.
“Remember this was his traditional wedding which he never mentioned a thing about it. How could he do this to me? He was with me that night. He left my house in the morning, and I had no idea he was going to get married.”
Joy’s story began a year ago when she met the man she thought was her boyfriend—alone. Alex was charming, attentive, and determined to win her over.
Throughout their time together, Joy attests that she noticed no trace of another woman in his life. “How was I to know this man was getting married, I slept at his house so many times and there were no signs of this other woman, not a comb or a string of her hair I believed him because that’s the man I had prayed for. Every morning, without fail, I woke up to a ‘Good morning’ text. He was so consistent in being present and intentional. A very charming, calm and warm liar,” says Joy.
Joy who is in her mid-20s says that she was not ready to be a second option despite the feelings she had for the man. Her mantra? “Not my sink, not my dishes.”
The phenomenon, where men maintain a seemingly stable family life while secretly engaging in other romantic relationships outside the home, is not new. Women discover often when it’s too late that the men they have been dating are leading double lives. For some, the revelation comes through whispers from friends or family. For others, like Joy, it’s an unfiltered shock delivered through social media.
Similarly, Phylis Achieng remembers the moment her world came crashing down like a slow-motion nightmare. It was a normal day, or so she thought until a message from a mutual friend lit up her phone. The image that greeted her was one she couldn’t quite comprehend. The man who had promised her the world was standing at the altar, his hand tightly clasped with another woman’s.
As she scrolled through the pictures, the truth became undeniable. Phylis witnessed the man she adored smiling with his eyes alight with joy, as he exchanged vows with someone else.
After a romantic evening together, she discovers that her partner is marrying another woman.
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Her telenovela kind of love was one to crave for, “the funny bit is I trusted him so much because the previous night he had bought me flowers and chocolates as usual. We had made it a custom to watch the sunset together in the long drives, sometimes the sun rises and we watched the stars together. For goodness sake how was I not to believe this deceiving, tall, chocolate was man and if that’s not enough we even talked about a future that seemed so real. And yet he betrayed my trust,” she said.
Phylis says she felt her chest tighten as the weight of the betrayal settled in. The life they had shared, the promises he had made, all that seemed like distant memories now, tainted by the truth she could no longer escape.
“It was on 23 November 2024 at 8.20pm and I remember scrolling through Instagram and saw a post that had tagged him singing the famous TikTok ‘Fiancé Anthem.’ That is when I realised I had become a victim of the conniving men. I had introduced him to my friends, I was shocked, and angry at how this man that I trusted broke me. I wondered how many women there are who have been swept up in his lies, thinking they are the only ones,” Phylis says.
According to relationship experts, social media has become a key enabler to love prankstars. With dating apps and discreet messaging platforms, men can create personas that cater to their desires while keeping their family life intact. The anonymity offered by these platforms makes it easier to compartmentalise these lives.
Meghan disappearing knight
Like Joy and Phylis, Meghan Smith met what she thought was the man of her dreams two years ago. It felt like a charm. He made her feel like she was the centre of his world. He worked long hours and travelled frequently for work, but always made time for them. She had convinced herself that was enough.
Despite the ups and downs, Meghan believed in their love. However, she says cracks began to show. One day, he called her, his voice filled with excitement, telling her he was going on a work trip and would be back in a week.
When he returned, however, something felt different. He seemed distant and distracted.
The work trip he mentioned, Meghan later discovered was the week of his wedding. After that period of no communication, he reached out to her.
“Deep down, I knew something was not right. I remember I was in the office that day, he asked me to meet him in Westlands. He had booked an Airbnb for us to reconnect,” she says.
But when she arrived, the scene was far from what she expected.
“I remember someone ringing the bell thrice and when I went to open a woman was standing there. His wife, tears streaming down her face. She had tracked his location.
“My world stopped, I had been living in a lie. The pain, the betrayal, it was overwhelming. Currently, I am seeing a therapist to help me get through the trauma,” Meghan confides.
Counselling psychologist Cleopa Njiru stresses the importance of therapy for those affected by betrayal, whether they are the deceived or the deceiver.
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Behind the lies-what experts say
Cleopa Njiru, a Counseling psychologist attributes the shift in attitudes, values, and behaviours regarding relationships and marriage to changing cultural norms. According to Mr. Njiru, societal values have evolved over time, leading to more openness in relationships, even before marriage.
“From the word go, we may be having a culture where people are open even when they are into marriage or when they are preparing to get married or when they are dating. You find that the values that were there before may not be there,’’ he says.
Despite this shift, he says that individuals are influenced by these changes. “We have some people who may not be holding certain values. Societal changes influence how they view commitment, even before they enter into marriage.”
Another factor Mr Njiru says is the influence in the upbringing and personal experiences. “We have people who could be going through certain challenges in their life, maybe some traumatic experience that they never dealt with. they may behave, think or have certain emotions from their childhood. Like a young man who grew in an environment where people are not faithful to each other.”
These childhood experiences create an emotional and psychological imprints that can manifest later in their life.
“There is also the human desires, which some corners call the desires for experimentation, and curiosity. A man may know he is preparing for marriage, but still feel that he wants to explore more. He is not so certain, he may even not be so sure when he gets to marriage if they are going to stay together and whether he is going to be faithful or committed to the marriage. He wants to explore more,’’ the psychologist adds.
This is mostly valid in environments where infidelity is seen as a harmless exploration or in some as a rite of passage.
The psychologist further explains that mental health issues which are often undiagnosed or ignored can be part of the problem. “Conditions like mild psychosis, bipolar disorder, or personality disorders can interfere with a person’s judgment and decision-making,” Mr Njiru says.
These conditions might not always be severe enough to be diagnosed, but their symptoms can still impact a person’s behaviour.
A person with a personality disorder can have a trait of telling lies and might lack the empathy and the ability to care about how their actions hurt others.
For women who discover their fiancé’s unfaithfulness, whether before or after the wedding, Mr Njiru advises that they seek therapy immediately. “Therapy is continuous, and it helps individuals cope with the emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that arise from such discoveries,” he says.
He recounts instances where women discover their partner’s infidelity on or even after the wedding day. “The emotional impact can be overwhelming, the crying, confusion, and uncertainty about the future are common reactions. Therapy provides a safe space to process these feelings and find a way forward. There is where you make the decision of sticking in the same marriage or leaving.”
What if you are the other woman, how can you heal?
“This can happen to anyone and it does not mean that you are not intelligent. You only fell into the trap of someone who is a liar, a pathological liar at that. But you did not ask for it. Seeking therapy will help you through it and accept the situation so that you move on with your life,” the psychologist says.
Consequently, one of the most compelling questions Mr Njiru addresses is whether people who stray before marriage can change after tying the knot. “It is not automatic,” he says. “Some individuals genuinely commit to their marriage and leave their past behaviours behind, especially if they receive proper guidance and support.”
However, change depends on several factors which include the person’s values, the dynamics of the marriage, and their willingness to grow. “With the right support system and a strong commitment to their partner, many people can change and build fulfilling, faithful relationships,” Mr Njiru adds.
