Have you noticed that there’s a bias in the way the world works? Things are far more likely to go wrong than they are to go right. That’s actually a law of nature called entropy!
So the sudden unexpected events that change your life forever are mostly bad things. Like car accidents, or hearing bad news from your doctor. Good things rarely happen quickly, apart from maybe clicking when meeting someone for the first time, so you do need to be open to moments like that, because they can change your whole world.
The good things in life mostly come from working at something for years and years. Like learning a new skill, building a relationship, or bringing up children. Which is why perseverance is so important. Think how long it can take to find a job or a spouse. And how easily you can lose them!
This is an important idea in a world that’s all about instant gratification. We’re dazzled by all those online influencers who seem so rich, attractive and famous, while forgetting our own achievements. We desperately wish we looked younger while ignoring the benefits of age, such as experience and wisdom.
And if you only measure your success by your possessions and your appearance, your life is inevitably going to be one long disappointment. Because real happiness never comes quickly. It comes from slowly and conscientiously building something really worthwhile. Like studying for a degree, developing a business or building a relationship.
Or getting rid of the bad behaviours that can wreck your life. It’s here that you’ll always want things to happen the fastest. But they don’t! Like trying to eat or drink less to improve your health. Anyone who’s tried to cut down knows just how hard that is.
Because bad behaviours become habits. Driven partly by your brain’s reward system, but mostly by cues that lead on to the next step in the behaviour. Like how settling down after dinner makes you think about having a drink. You could just as easily develop a good habit, like opening a book. But it’s amazing how it’s the bad ones that dominate our lives, or even destroy them.
The same is true in relationships. They can be ruined by habits that have grown over years. And are astonishingly hard to change, however much you want to. So you have to be prepared to work hard. As hard as if you’re learning to play the piano! You’re going to have to figure out why you started behaving the way you do, find better routines and try them out.
And that all takes time and perseverance, so don’t give up too soon. Because it’s the people who stick in there who succeed in life. While if you’ve come to believe in the big chance, you won’t work at becoming the person you want to be. And so your dreams will forever stay just out of your reach.
