Suppose you discovered your spouse scored a D in KCSE, how would it affect your marriage? The truth is far more complex.
Many people grow up believing that academic grades define intelligence, success and even the quality of a marriage. However, the truth is far more complex. Many couples later discover that educational differences do not always determine the strength or future of a relationship. Suppose you discovered your spouse scored a D in KCSE, how would it affect your marriage? Would you be worried about the future? The children’s ability to learn?
Counselling psychologist Joan Kirera explains that many couples overlook important differences during dating. She says, “When dating or in the pre-marriage stage, one needs to focus on the things that matter to them. There are people who evaluate intelligence not by what was scored in school.” She believes that a grade shows how a person understood schoolwork at that moment in life, but it does not describe the whole person.
As she explained, educational differences can create pressure in marriage. A partner may feel embarrassed, superior or insecure. Misunderstandings can grow quietly when one person believes the other does not think fast enough or does not understand certain topics. Joan says that a grade only becomes important when it continues to show itself in present behaviours.
“If you feel they are still slow, then yes, the grade would technically matter. But if you are reasoning and you do not feel they are slow, then whether they got an A or a C or a D, would it really matter now?”
That said, Joan says that a grade can help measure intelligence for those who value it, but it should not be the only measure. Some people faced stress, trauma or hardship during school and this made them score poorly but later, they grew into confident and capable adults. Others scored highly but struggle with life skills. She explains that a grade shows only one part of a person, not the full picture.
A common fear among couples concerns the intelligence of future children. On this, Joan reminds couples that children grow through environment, support and exposure. Some parents with low grades raise very bright children, and some highly educated parents have children who struggle academically.
For partners who desire equality and respect, Joan advises them to look at the whole person. They should ask what strengths the partner has, what skills they bring to the home and what values guide them. She encourages couples to look at how much the partner has grown over time. Many adults develop confidence, business skills, creativity and emotional intelligence that school never measured.
Power struggle
Marriage therapist Isaac Maweu explainS that education often enters marriage quietly, but its effects can be very loud. “Marriage is a combination of many parts of a person’s life. If there are differences in academic achievement, this can lead to power struggle. A man who feels less educated may be intimidated by his wife. A woman with a lower level of education may feel dismissed or unheard. These feelings can make simple conversations feel like battles.”
He also explains how education shapes thinking about planning, money and long-term goals. A partner with wide exposure may understand budgets, strategies and world events. The other partner may focus on the present moment. As Isaac puts it, “Education exposes different people to different worlds. Because of this, even deciding the number of children to have or choosing a school can become a point of conflict.”
Communication is another area strongly affected. Isaac says, “Some people listen to understand, while others listen only to reply. When the difference is wide, one partner may need to slow down and speak at the other person’s level so that they can truly understand each other. It feels like talking to a child. It is not disrespect. It is simply the need to meet someone at their level.”
He also notes that intimacy can be affected. A more educated partner may understand emotional needs or be more open minded. The other partner may not understand these expectations, creating confusion and conflict.
Many spouses feel less happy in the marriage even though they once felt it was the right one for them.
When asked if academic achievement should be considered when choosing a partner, Isaac says it is critical to do so. “Marriage requires conversation, problem-solving and shared understanding. If one partner cannot discuss political or financial issues at the same level as the other, the couple may struggle to grow together.”
Children’s intelligence
He agrees with Joan that when to comes to the impact in children, environment matters a lot. A parent with low education may choose a school with fewer resources, while the other may prefer a school with stronger support. This alone can shape a child’s potential.
Isaac reminds couples that respect and equality are possible even with different educational levels. The key is personal development. A partner who did not finish school can still study later in life. A couple can support each other with classes, reading and new skills.
“We are in a society that is very competitive. We value grades. We compare people. Yet some people who scored poorly in school start successful businesses and employ those who scored better. Grades matter, but they are not everything. Skills, effort and values also shape a good future.”
So what should you do if you bump into your spouse’s certificate and discover they scored a D in KCSE?
“Stay calm, this is not a reason to quit the marriage. Talk about it and let it be a chance to understand each other better and grow stronger. Resist the urge to ridicule or for the affected partner, to have low self-esteem. Marriage is not built on letters printed on a certificate, but on character, effort, mutual respect and the daily work of growing together.”
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