I am an ardent advocate of people accepting their bodies. There is beauty in all body types – tall, short, plump, slim. Lack of body acceptance, also called body dysphoria, can lead to psychological torture, low self-esteem, lack of confidence and ultimately sexual dysfunction.
It is for this reason that Joan brought her husband Mike to me for counselling. Her husband had told her to work out and shed weight, that she was no longer sexy after adding 10 kilogrammmes.
“It is not in bad faith,” Mike said. “My friends who are married to obese women say that they are not as sexual, that they always do not feel like having sex.”
The couple is in their late 30s, has two children, has been married for nine years and previously had no sex problems. They enjoyed a sex frequency of three to four times a week and both were satisfied with the experience. The marriage did not have significant conflicts.
“They say that prevention is better than cure,” Mike continued. “I would be very sad if my wife started having sex problems.”
Well, let me clarify my position on being at peace with your body. It is not a certificate to be obese! No matter how much you love your body, ensure that at any given time, your BMI is in the right range. Mike was right that if weight goes beyond the healthy range, it becomes a killer of sex. This is irrespective of your age, although the older you are the worse the sex outcomes if you are above the recommended weight.
Sexual dysfunction happens in obese men and women for various reasons. For one, the excess fat alters hormones in the body. For men the testosterone becomes ineffective and there is a rise in the female hormones. In women the hormones equally get distorted.
Secondly, obesity causes changes in blood flow to the organs. This includes sex organs which may have reduced blood flow. This, combined with alterations in general metabolism and increasing psychosocial stress negatively impact all phases of sexual function – desire, arousal, penetration and orgasm.
In men, erectile dysfunction is a common outcome of obesity. This problem is seen across all ages, although the tendency increases as one grows older. Studies have shown that in obese young men aged 18 to 49, erection failure can be as prevalent as four in every 10 men.
Catastrophic for sexual function
The severity of the obesity also does matter. Men classified as having severe obesity have a prevalence of erection failure as high as seven out of 10 men. The combination of obesity and older age is catastrophic for sexual function. Nine out of 10 elderly obese men have erection failure.
Effects of obesity are not limited to men. Obesity in women kills sex desire. It makes it hard for a woman to be aroused and lubricated, makes it difficult to achieve orgasm, lowers sexual satisfaction and increases the chances of sexual pain.
Three out of 10 obese women suffer one or more of these effects. The ratio rises to five out of 10 women in cases of severe obesity. Obesity makes women’s ovaries malfunction, leading to distortions in hormone levels and poor metabolism. Sex is among the first health problems that follow.
“So I have been right all along,” Mike retorted with a sense of satisfaction. “Just go to the gym and shed the excess weight.”
“But how do you conclude that I have excess weight without calculating the right weight for my height?” Joan interjected, throwing her hands in the air in frustration.
I took Joan’s weight and height and calculated her BMI. She was not obese yet but had hit the band of overweight.
“It is time to embark on exercises and the right diet,” I said in conclusion. “You have come at the right time to stop the undesirable effects of excess weight.”
And with that we agreed on the target weight, a meal plan and the gym to join. It was too early in their lives to lose the gift of satisfying sex.
