Let us have sex education

We are doing a great injustice to our children by not giving them sex education.

Whenever the topic comes up, all we hear is that children should not learn about their sexuality because it will make them have sex. People prefer that they remain ignorant. Unfortunately, they still look for information and end up learning what may be detrimental to their health. I am just speaking aloud the thoughts that went through my mind as I listened to a newlywed lady – Nancy – at the sexology clinic.

Nancy was my first patient that day. She was 27 and a virgin before marriage. Out of interest, she did some reading on sexuality as she prepared for her wedding. She had just started her honeymoon when things went haywire. 

“I read a blog from a South African lady which said that men like dry sex and even gave tips on how to make it dry,” Nancy explained. She took those tips and applied them in her honeymoon. She would use a cloth stuffed with salt to dry her private parts before sex. Three days of this and she was sore and swollen in her vagina. She could hardly walk.

I examined Nancy; there were multiple cuts and bruises on the outer and inner parts of her vagina, because of friction. “Through the ages, men and women have been obsessed with making the vagina tight and dry with the hope that this would make sex enjoyable,” I explained. “The belief is stronger in the Southern parts of Africa.”

I explained that healthy sexuality is characterised by adequate foreplay leading to maximum lubrication. Unfortunately, an inexperienced man may detest this lubrication, misinterpreting it to mean a wide, unhealthy vagina.

DRY SEX

“What is foreplay?” Nancy asked to my surprise. In her ignorance, she thought sex was just penetration. She and her husband had been doing it very wrong all along. I took my time to explain the sex cycle and how important it is to prepare one’s body for sex before penetration. When the preparation is done well, lubrication happens. Penetration should never happen without adequate lubrication. “But will my husband like lubrication?” Nancy asked.

Ignorant men have been known to peddle myths that women with good lubrication are promiscuous, have sexually transmitted diseases and, if married, they have been unfaithful. These are myths based on ignorance.

The consequences of practices such as drying the vagina can be catastrophic. Women who practice dry sex use chemicals and herbs to dry the vagina, killing all the normal flora and altering the interior environment of the vagina. This increases the risk of infections such as candidiasis and bacterial vaginosis.

When dry sex is practiced in an already wounded vagina, terrible damage happens. The pain can be unbearable. The delicate epithelium gets bruised and tears happen. These conditions are conducive for the transmission of HIV. Communities that practice dry sex have higher rates of new HIV infections.

I noticed that all this knowledge was new to Nancy. “I cannot blame my teachers nor can I blame my pastor,” Nancy explained. “They are not sexologists to boldly talk about these things like you do.” She burst out laughing. I nodded in affirmation.

“But at least there should be a system in place for people to learn about their sexuality to avoid tragic incidences like what you are going through!” I added.

In the olden days, people always had sex lessons before going into marriage. One did not have to surf the internet to get such crucial information from unaccredited sources. There was appreciation that healthy sexuality was good for marriage.

Unfortunately, those traditional systems no longer exist and attempts to replace them with sexuality education in schools seems to have hit a snag. Not even religious bodies are prepared to fill in the gap. Marriages are breaking due to simple sex problems that could have been avoided.

Nancy and her husband had to cut short their honeymoon and register for sex coaching lessons.

At the end of it they agreed that basic sexuality knowledge and skills are important for the survival of a marriage, whether new or old.