I am in my early 40s. I am a family man with three children and a wife in Nairobi. I am currently making Sh51,000 in basic salary and Sh34,000 in allowances which include rental, commuter and hardship allowances. At the end of the month, my paycheck is just Sh16,000. The rest of the money goes to deductions.
I have two main loans for which I am deducted around Sh41,900. I have used these loans for my family's consumption (home refurbishment and an overdue vacation in Zanzibar). One loan is a conventional loan with a commercial bank at Sh22,000 monthly repayments and the other is from a microfinance institution. I am expected to complete repayments for these two loans in mid-2028.
In contrast to my situation, my wife is doing well at her job. She earns less than me but is doing better. With Sh16,000 paychecks, I am only able to pay half of the total house rent while my wife contributes the rest. My financial difficulties have pushed me into a dark corner. Whenever I need money from my spouse, I have to beg. Please help me . – Hassan
Hassan, first, I want you to know that you are not alone in this situation, and your financial difficulties do not make you any less of a husband or father.
Your biggest problem right now is that too much of your current income is committed to paying for past spending.
You mentioned that you took the loans to refurbish your home and finance a long-overdue family holiday in Zanzibar. There is nothing wrong with wanting a comfortable home or creating beautiful memories with your family.
However, there is a difference between being able to afford something and being able to borrow money to pay for it. A loan can make a lifestyle upgrade possible today while quietly making everyday life difficult for years afterwards.
Your first priority is to create breathing room. You mentioned that both loans are expected to be fully repaid by mid-2028. That gives you a timeline, but you cannot simply wait until 2028 while accumulating more debt to feed your family and educate your children.
I would start by contacting both lenders to establish your outstanding balances, interest rates, remaining repayment periods and the terms for early repayment or restructuring. Find out whether either lender can offer a more manageable repayment arrangement.
However, do not automatically agree to a longer repayment period just because it reduces the monthly instalment; compare the total interest and cost before making a decision.
Until you have reviewed these options, avoid taking any additional loans, including mobile loans, to cover routine household expenses.
You mentioned that your wife earns more than you and that she contributes the other half of the rent. I can also hear the pain in your words when you say you have to beg her for money.
Money can be a sensitive subject in marriage, but I would encourage you to approach this as a household problem rather than a competition over who earns more.
Sit down with your wife and put your combined household finances on paper. Look at both incomes, the loan repayments, rent, food, school fees, utilities, transport and other essential expenses. Then agree on how each of you will contribute towards those costs based on what you can realistically afford.
You should also agree on how school fees and other major expenses will be funded so that you are not forced to negotiate for money every time an emergency arises.
This conversation should not be about asking your wife to take over all your responsibilities. Your wife may also have her own financial commitments, so listen to her perspective and work towards an arrangement that is fair to both of you. If discussions about money repeatedly turn into conflict or leave either of you feeling humiliated, consider seeking support from a trusted marriage counsellor.
For now, put further renovations, expensive holidays and other major discretionary purchases on hold until your debt burden is manageable and your household can meet its basic expenses without borrowing.
Once you have recovered financially, you can create a holiday sinking fund, for example, by saving Sh5,000 every month towards a future trip.
After 12 months, you would have Sh60,000 before any interest earned. You could then plan a holiday around the money you have accumulated rather than financing it with a loan that follows you home.
The same principle applies to home improvements: save towards them in stages rather than taking on another repayment that squeezes your monthly budget.
There is a positive side to your situation: your loans have an expected completion date. If you can maintain the agreed repayments and avoid accumulating additional debt, your monthly cash flow should improve significantly once those obligations end.
As your situation improves, build an emergency fund to protect your family from unexpected expenses. Start small if necessary.
When either loan is fully repaid, do not immediately absorb that freed-up money into a more expensive lifestyle. Redirect as much of the former repayment as your circumstances allow towards an emergency fund, school-fee planning and, eventually, investments.
You could have spent years feeling as though your salary was never enough. The goal is to make sure that when the repayments finally end, the money starts building your family's future instead of disappearing into new commitments.
I would also encourage you to review your payslip carefully. Confirm the outstanding loan balances, the statutory deductions and whether every deduction is correctly applied. If any deductions are unclear, ask your employer or the relevant institution for an explanation. Understanding exactly where your gross salary goes is an important first step towards regaining control.
Remember, your goal is not to look financially successful. It is to become financially stable. That means protecting your family's basic needs today, working with your wife rather than against each other, avoiding additional consumption debt and preparing for the day your current loans are behind you.
You do not need to fix everything overnight. You need to make sure that the next financial decision you take moves you closer to freedom rather than deeper into the hole.
If you have any money problems, send us an email at [email protected] . Money questions will be answered in this column.
