Would you divorce your husband if he suddenly started wetting the bed? Note: it is not that when you married him he was a bedwetter, no. He was all fine and normal for the last eight years of your marriage then suddenly started the “baby behaviour” three months ago.
This is the dilemma that Rose had and which made her come to the Sexology clinic for consultation.
“You know, I have been wondering whether the cause of his problem is too much sex,” Rose explained, referring to their rather intensive sex life. “In fact, I have stopped having sex with him just in case it is the cause and, of course, even if I wanted to maintain our sex life, I wouldn’t have managed.”
The bedwetting tragedy had robbed her of feelings for the man.
She said it made her feel like she was having sex with a baby since her memory of bedwetting was only in relation to babies. Basically, her sex life was kaput! No feelings.
However, the more difficult thing was waking up every morning to wash bedsheets and air the mattress.
“And, doctor, the pong is just unbearable. My bedroom is like a urinal,” she explained.
I asked Rose to bring along her husband for a medical examination.
Abnormalities
Bedwetting of adult onset is not to be taken lightly since it can be a signal of a serious illness.
Of course, there are situations when it is just a hereditary problem: your dad and mum had bedwetting in adulthood and so you have taken after them! This is a finding in 70 to 80 per cent of bedwetting adults.
Abrupt onset of bedwetting could result from abnormalities of the bladder, the bag that stores urine. It could be that the bladder has an abnormal growth, which disturbs its function. Some of the growths could even be cancerous.
There could also be a problem with the hormone that controls the manufacture of urine — the antidiuretic hormone. It is supposed to be produced in large amounts at night so as to limit formation of urine. Sometimes, this does not happen. Or it could be that the urinary system has become unruly and just does not respect commands from the hormone and produces excess urine at night as a result. A full bladder while deep asleep causes bedwetting.
One problem that should immediately be checked when one starts to wet the bed suddenly is diabetes.
Diabetes can start at any age but there is a tendency for a flare-up in middle and late adulthood.
Excessive urination, including bedwetting, could be the first signal that blood sugar is out of control as a result of the disease.
Urgent attention to tame the disease is necessary, not just to manage the bedwetting but many other complications that could result.
Many other causes of adult onset bedwetting are known, including infection of the urinary system, urinary stones and prostate problems.
Prescription medicines, sleep disorders and prostate problems can also cause bedwetting.
When Rose brought her husband to the clinic, it was clear that the couple had suffered a great deal of disquiet. John, the man, was too embarrassed by his situation to even seek medical care.
Rose, on the other hand, was packing her belongings to quit the marriage.
I did a number of tests on John and as fate would have it, he had diabetes. I put him on treatment and, in a few days, life was back to normal.
While Rose was grateful that she took a first step to seek help, she was also very guilty that she nearly broke her marriage when she was most needed by John and even rejected him sexually.
A bit of marital counselling and sex coaching made all the difference as the couple entered another phase of their lives.
