I was the third doctor to see Rosemary in a span of two months. She believed her condition was dire. Her social life was in jeopardy. The reason was that she was too wet in bed!
“If only you can make me dry, I will pay anything you ask for,” she pleaded, her voice choking with emotion. She was visibly distressed.
For eight months, Rosemary refused to have sex, insisting that she wanted to wait until the wedding night. Andrew, her fiancé, however, grew impatient, insisting that since they were officially engaged, there was nothing wrong with getting intimate. She finally relented.
That sexual adventure turned out to be the turning point in the relationship. Andrew no longer seemed keen on the wedding. The bone of contention was that she was messy in bed, too wet to be tolerated.
“I do not understand what the problem is,” I said, genuinely surprised.
Incidentally, Andrew had persuaded Rosemary that typical women were dry in bed. In reality, she was led to believe there was something seriously wrong with her system.
She began by asking her friends what they thought of her situation. Some advised her to stop eating cabbage, others blamed watermelon, and a few suggested douching. Rosemary faithfully followed all these instructions but, alas, the next time she was with Andrew, things were even worse.
The following morning, she went straight to a doctor and explained her problem. The doctor diagnosed an infection and prescribed a five-day course of antibiotics.
A week later, she met Andrew again. Nothing had changed. By then, she had avoided cabbage and watermelons, completed her antibiotics, and continued douching. She decided to seek a second opinion.
The new doctor conducted a urine test and took vaginal specimens for analysis. Even before the results were out, Rosemary developed intense itching and a white discharge. The tests confirmed a candida infection — a common fungal condition. She received treatment, which resolved the itching and discharge, but her next encounter with Andrew produced the same troubling results.
And so here we were. Rosemary was desperate and distressed. I examined her, and everything appeared perfectly normal. I asked her to bring Andrew for the next visit, and she did.
Andrew was lively and humorous, describing his concerns vividly and breaking into spontaneous laughter.
“You see, it’s the maji maji rebellion that is putting me off!” he said amid staccato laughter. “It’s like wading through muddy water. I’m sure you wouldn’t survive the agony if it were you, Mr Sexologist!”
Rosemary sat quietly beside him, her head bowed in shame. I couldn’t tell whether she was crying. I knew it was time to set the record straight.
“You are one of the lucky men in this world, Andrew,” I began.
Men should know that only highly sexually responsive women produce copious lubrication when aroused. Those who are less responsive often struggle during foreplay and may produce very little — or none at all. When lubrication is insufficient, the result is dry sex, which can bruise both partners. It is painful, and tears or bleeding may occur.
Women who do not get adequate lubrication should see a doctor promptly. It can signal sexual dysfunction. A woman with sexual arousal disorder will not lubricate even when she desires sex. Women who have undergone genital cutting or suffered severe vaginal infections or injuries that damage the glands responsible for lubrication may also lack natural moisture.
“Okay, doctor, but does it have to be that much?” Andrew asked.
Well, wet is good, wetter is great, and the maji maji rebellion is the greatest. In sexually informed communities, women like Rosemary are admired.
Unfortunately, in communities where sexuality is poorly understood, such women are often stigmatized. Myths like those Rosemary’s friends shared, including douching , are not only inaccurate but can be harmful. In her case, douching likely contributed to the candida infection.
It is also unfortunate that some health workers do not explore these common sexual concerns thoroughly and may end up offering treatments that do not address the real issue.
Andrew and Rosemary eventually acknowledged how much they didn’t know about sexuality and enrolled in sex coaching as they planned their wedding. With traditional socio-cultural systems that once prepared couples for marriage largely eroded, it is more important than ever for partners in courtship to follow their example: seek professional sexual guidance and build a healthier, happier marriage.
