You may have heard stories of drivers and gardeners of prominent men preying on the wives of their bosses, sometimes with tragic consequences. It never occurred to me that I would encounter such a case at the Sexology Clinic.
“It is unimaginable; it is the highest level of betrayal,” Richard said when he came for a consultation. He had just caught his wife and the gardener kissing behind their house.
The couple, Richard and Jennifer, were in their mid-forties and had been married for 16 years. Richard was the CEO of a successful company in town, raking in millions in salaries and allowances. Jennifer, a pharmacist, ran a small retail chemist and spent much of her time caring for their three children.
“I live a busy life; my job is demanding. It’s only reasonable that she spends more time taking care of the home and the family’s needs,” Richard explained. “I just didn’t imagine that part of that would include pleasuring herself with the gardener.”
Incidentally, the couple rarely had sex. It happened once every two or three months.
“My sex drive is low; it’s getting worse by the day, but that is not an excuse for my wife to be unfaithful,” Richard said.
“Well, there lies the problem,” I interjected. “Your wife’s behaviour could be a cry for help due to sexual starvation.”
I conducted a thorough assessment of Richard and found that he bore several risks for low vitality. From the test results, he was predisposed to subnormal testosterone activity. Testosterone is what gives a man vitality, but certain lifestyle factors can suppress it. His gardener, on the other hand, was living a lifestyle that enhanced vitality.
Well, sleeping for only three to four hours kills vitality, and that’s exactly what Richard was doing. While his gardener slept for nearly 10 hours, Richard barely had time to rest. He often stayed in meetings until 9pm, carried work home, slept past midnight, and was up again by 5am.
“There are days when I go to bed at 2am and still have to be up by 5,” he admitted.
It is important to note that the body repairs itself during sleep and replenishes the chemicals essential for vitality. Sleeping for at least seven uninterrupted hours is key to this process. The quality of sleep also matters, and avoiding coffee and other stimulants for up to 10 hours before bedtime is crucial.
Richard was also obese, with a large tummy. Belly fat is a serious risk factor for low vitality. It contains enzymes that break down testosterone, reducing a man’s masculinity.
“You sound like I’m less of a man compared to my gardener, who’s quite lean,” Richard said absentmindedly. I nodded. In fact, oestrogen, the female hormone, tends to rise in men with big bellies.
Exercise not only boosts testosterone production but also burns excess fat, trimming the belly. Unfortunately, Richard spent most of his time sitting, eating, and being driven around. He had no time for the gym, which would have helped reduce his risks.
Of course, proper nutrition is also vital for maintaining a lean body. Many men ask whether there is a specific food that boosts testosterone. There isn’t. What one needs is a balanced diet.
“But doctor, you know my job is stressful, and I may never follow everything you’re saying,” Richard said, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.
One must truly decide the quality of life they want to lead. Stress of any kind, whether work-related, marital, or otherwise, leads to overproduction of cortisol, a hormone that counteracts testosterone and reduces vitality. A gardener is unlikely to experience as much stress as a CEO, and therefore, their testosterone levels remain less affected.
“You really seem to be promoting the gardener’s lifestyle, long sleep, flat tummy, no stress. But I doubt they have enough money for food, and do they really exercise?” Richard retorted.
By the nature of their work, gardeners are constantly exercising. Because they cannot afford extravagant lifestyles, they tend to eat healthily, rarely consuming processed foods. They eat just enough for their bodies to function optimally. It is also worth noting that alcohol suppresses vitality, and while the boss may indulge in fine whiskies and wines, the gardener would never dare come to work smelling of alcohol for fear of being fired.
“At this rate, I may have to choose between keeping my job and losing my wife, or taking a less demanding job for the sake of my health and family,” Richard said as he rose to leave. “Either way, the gardener is fired, and my wife must apologise as I reorganise my life.”
With that, he hurried out of the consultation room, like a man on a mission, renewed and determined to reclaim his vitality and his marriage.
