I think that the worst kind of disrespect you can show someone is to repeatedly forget their name. A name is deeply personal, it is a big part of who you are, a significant part of your identity, such that when people describe you, they start with your name. Simply put, it is your number one identifier.
I once attended a media event which had brought together quite a number of significant personalities in this space. Like happens in such events, there was some networking towards the end of the event. Earlier, a colleague had urged me to introduce myself to one of the guests, a former journalist who had transitioned to academia, though still focused on the media space.
She was a valuable contact to have, my colleague had assured me. I hadn’t quite followed her professional journey, just an interview here and an interview there. I could always read up on her later, I told myself as I walked towards her. It is at this point that I made the mistake of a lifetime. I mispronounced her name. Immediately, I saw the warmth that had been there begin to slip away.
I could see her concluding that I was pretending to know her. I am thankful that she was gracious enough not to correct me, perhaps after seeing how mortified I was. I would go on to meet her a few more times afterwards, and even though I finally got her name right, I have a feeling that the mistake I made will always hang between us. Unspoken but very much present.
Closer home, there is this former workmate who, in spite of me correcting her many times, she still insisted on calling me Catherine whenever we met. Dear reader, in what way is Catherine similar to Caroline?
Yes, the pronunciation of the first two letters is the same, but the similarity ends there. Also, it is forgivable to make a mistake once, but twice or thrice? As you can imagine, it didn’t take much effort for me to dislike her. Actually, I couldn’t stand her, which says a lot because I generally like people and mainly get along with most people. What did I tell you about names being important?
Forgetting someone’s name repeatedly says a lot without you having to say anything. It is offensive because it says to the person whose name you can’t remember that they are unimportant and are not memorable. It signals that you do not care enough to remember them.
Think about it, doesn’t it feel good when someone walks up to you and calls you by your name, someone that you perhaps met years ago, or even a few days ago? You are most likely to go out of your way to assist this person, and will also feel obligated to know them better and pay attention to them the next time you meet them. The fact is that remembering someone’s name makes them feel more valued, and they will remember you favourably in future.
What of those that argue they are “bad with names”? I don’t buy this because how would you then explain the fact that you remembered the names of other people that had been in the same room as you? That said, I know there’s someone who will read this and wonder why I’m “making noise” because of people that forget other people’s names…
