Kenyan actress and entrepreneur, Muthoni Thiong'o a mother of one describes herself as a single mother by choice.
On another occasion, she sought professional help and was told to ensure she was ready before conceiving. She took the advice seriously. When the timing felt right, she made a decision that reflects a growing trend among modern women — becoming a single parent by choice.
“I wanted a child and that is what I said. It was not about confusing somebody because I was not dating,” she says.
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At the time, Muthoni was 30. She began to question the traditional path to motherhood — dating, marriage, and eventually starting a family — which, in her view, offered no guarantees and could take years. She did not want to have her baby in her 40s.
“I asked myself: if I am to meet someone, date them and get married, by the time I get a child, I will be maybe 38 years old, so, let me have a child now,” she says.
The journey into motherhood
When she finally conceived, she was thrilled. She enjoyed pregnancy privileges such as being allowed to jump queues. Her unborn baby kept kicking inside her womb and that gave her immeasurable joy.
Four years ago, that journey culminated in the birth of her daughter.
“My baby weighed 4.8 kilograms at birth and because of that, I delivered via caesarean section. That made the process easier,” she shares. In the days that followed, the reality of motherhood quickly set in. What began as excitement soon turned into a lifelong sense of responsibility.
“This child took over my life in a very big way. Very quickly, I started worrying about everything, even things like whether she is sleeping properly,” she says. “Motherhood takes over your life in a way you cannot explain. It is so easy to forget yourself.”
Life as a single parent by choice
As her daughter has grown and begun schooling, Muthoni says she has become more certain about her decision.
“I know of mums who tell me that their co-parent promised to send school fees but he didn’t send, and the burden of looking for the fees falls on them. When you are not depending on anyone, you know you’re on your own and that helps you budget for the baby.”
For Muthoni, being a single parent means planning ahead without expecting support from anywhere else. She says she prepared emotionally for the journey.
“I am not saying it is the best thing, and I am not recommending it, that’s just what I did. Being a single parent is hard because everything is on you, but it is easier if you prepare yourself emotionally,” she says.
Despite raising her daughter alone, Muthoni says her child is surrounded by a strong support system, including close family members who play important roles in her life.
“I am the only girl among three boys, so they are very involved as her uncles,” she says. “Also, have not closed the door on getting her a dad, but she has father figures in her life,” Muthoni explains.
A shifting social landscape
According to sociologist Elizabeth Waithanji, the rise of single mothers by choice is closely linked to changing economic and social realities.
“A lot of young women feel that marriage complicates their lives or limits their freedom,” she says. “In some cases that is true, but not always. I think it all depends on how you negotiate with your partner from the beginning. But, how much autonomy you can claim from the beginning is influenced a lot by your economic capabilities,” says Dr Waithanji.
She also notes that stigma around single motherhood has significantly reduced over time. “Previously, single motherhood carried heavy stigma because women were economically dependent on men,” she explains. “Today, that stigma has largely faded, especially where women are financially self-sufficient.”
Read: Why more and more young women are choosing celibacy today
Waithanji adds that societal attitudes toward family structures continue to evolve across generations.
“Just like fashion, social norms are cyclical. In one generation, marriage may dominate; in another, co-parenting or single parenting becomes more visible.
She also observes shifting dynamics in how modern men approach fatherhood and commitment.
“If a man is responsible, he will want full involvement in his children’s lives and may be cautious about situations outside his control. So, if you approach him for a pregnancy, he will probably refuse. On the other hand, philanderers will happily give you children.”
Waithanji cautions that these patterns are complex and cannot be reduced to simple labels.
“What matters is that modern women are making informed decisions based on the realities they observe around them,” she says. “For some, choosing motherhood independently feels more certain than waiting for uncertain partnership structures.”
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