A woman holds a ward of cash.
Hi Zulu, what do you have to say about this notion that when women make money they stop needing men? They stop submitting and become unmanageable…
The truth is that women don't become impossible to lead when they make money. They simply stop tolerating men they would otherwise have had to settle for because of survival.
They become selective with the quality of leadership they submit to. Money gives a woman the power to stop agreeing with things that offend her soul. It gives her the option to walk away from things that belittle her.
Money doesn't stop a woman from being feminine. It saves her from being powerless. Money doesn't make a woman difficult to manage. It makes her difficult to manipulate.
A woman who has money can vet the kind of love a man brings and ask the right questions. She can ask questions about loyalty, leadership, and commitment.
You cannot humble this kind of woman or break her will by withholding provision. She has options and any time you test her ability to cope without you, she will pass the test.
In days past, women stayed because they had no options and their identity was tied to being married.
The modern woman hasn't become less controllable. She has become more liberated by the ability to make her own money. Today's woman ties her identity to having peace and purpose in her life.
By peace we mean calm and serenity without having to manage a toxic relationship and an erratic family leader every day.
By purpose we mean living for greater reasons than just surviving. Things like serving her generation with her gifts. Pursuing worthwhile dreams. Forming rich relationships. Raising responsible children and making good memories along the way.
The modern woman wants an all-round life to which marriage is an addition rather than the entirety of it. A healthy woman wants a multifaceted life.
A woman's money doesn't change her but rather gives her room to be herself. To live authentically and express herself fully. Women don't earn money to prove anything or compete with men.
They make money to safeguard their sovereignty and their freedom to choose. Nobody wants to send their daughters out there to be at the mercy of predators.
Every caring father wants their daughter protected by money and the options money provides.
We must not confuse self-love with toxic feminism. Toxic feminism refers to ideas that fuel gender wars by pitting men against women.
For example, you may have heard of the idea that women should decentre men, that they should remove men from being the centre of their lives. As you can see, this is an aggressive way of expressing an otherwise good idea.
Women should love themselves and build a life they're happy with. They should have a rich life with many other things they enjoy besides men and love, like we've said above.
This is a noble idea, but there's no need to make it sound like a reaction against men. Self-esteem and self-love are spelt with self for a reason. They start with the person, and they don't need to be a reaction against another gender.
The point is that you should not feel guilty when you invest in yourself and exercise self-care. The man who cares about you will also want you to pour from a full cup. The best gift you can give those who care about you is a healthy, happy, flourishing you.
Your friends and family will not be happy to see your life reduced to someone else's shadow. They want you to be a wife and a lover to your spouse. But they also want you to be a vibrant and energetic mother.
A resourceful and joyful friend. A shining daughter, a proud sister, a high-flying staff member at work. Everyone who cares about you wants you to have a full life.
The only person who would be opposed to a woman making her own money is someone looking to control her rather than connect with her.
And to my brothers, here's how to connect with a woman who has financial stability. First, understand that the only woman who can choose you honestly is one who has options. When she can pay her bills, and she chooses to love you, that's a more genuine love than accepting you because she's behind on rent.
Do not fear a woman's money because it's actually your ally. It gives her the room to be herself, and you want to see a woman's true colours as early as possible.
What men really fear is being made to feel disposable. A man wants to feel needed. A man wants to know that he can trust his woman not to discard him tomorrow just because she's self-sustaining.
You get this security by choosing a woman with whom you share a deep connection and one whom you find deep pleasure in loving. No money can replace such a connection.
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Benjamin Zulu is a life coach and counseling psychologist
