In many homes, sharing a meal is a form of expressing love, so your mother piles a second plate of ugali with kienyeji greens and chicken because she cares for you.
But what happens when this love served on your plate starts to weigh you down? When your health is at stake and every bite feels like you are sacrificing your wellbeing on the altar of family approval?
Joyce Otieno, 44, vividly recalls the moment that prompted her to begin her weight loss journey.
It was during her sister’s graduation party in July 2024. Relatives kept pulling her aside with “concerned” comments about her size.
“You really have to do something about your weight,” one aunt insisted.
Joyce Otieno on the streets of Nairobi.
Photo credit: Chris Omollo | Nation Media Group
Joyce was limping that day; her knee had been in constant pain. Later, medical tests confirmed she had a meniscus tear. She was prescribed physiotherapy, and her doctor advised her to keep pressure off the injured knee for a while. She was staring at getting knee surgery if things didn’t improve.
“That was my turning point,” Joyce recalls. “I either had to lose excess weight or I would end up in theatre.”
When she shared her resolve to shed weight with her family, Joyce received mixed reactions.
Some were supportive, cheering her on, even researching sustainable weight loss methods with her. Others, however, worried that she had become ‘too strict’ with her diet, cutting out fruits they thought were essential.
At family gatherings, some relatives would scrutinise her plate. “I felt judged over my food portions,” she says. “It made me feel guilty.”
Meal times were a big headache for Joyce, even as she strengthened her resolve to lose weight and keep it off.
“Our culture celebrates with food; heavy, carb-rich dishes. Refusing them was seen as disrespectful,” she explains.
Weddings, birthdays, and family holidays became emotional battlegrounds.
One of her relatives once admonished her, “Don’t insult me by refusing the food I cooked.”
Joyce admits such comments stung far more than words from strangers. The social pressure often left her torn between protecting her health goals and honouring family expectations.
Sometimes, to avoid hurting her loved ones, she would eat small portions of celebratory dishes just so they wouldn’t feel rejected.
“Many thought their comments were helpful, but it often came across as criticism.”
Yet, in the midst of it all, Joyce’s daughter became her biggest cheerleader. The 23-year-old became her workout partner.
“She celebrated small wins and always reminded me to focus on health, not appearance,” Joyce says.
In retrospect, Joyce wishes her family had shown more concern for her overall health and not just the physical size.
“It would have meant a lot if they had encouraged me from the start, not just after seeing me get smaller. I wish they had acknowledged things like my confidence or better mood rather than only noticing the weight.”
After dropping 23 kilograms, Joyce says her journey is no longer a battleground. Some of her critics even come to her for tips on healthy weight loss, something Joyce describes as ‘very rewarding.’
She admits that change comes with challenges, and it is important to be one’s own motivation so as not to be swayed from the goal, even by those who mean well.
“At gatherings, allow yourself small tastes of family favourites so you don’t feel deprived. One meal doesn’t erase your progress,” she adds.
In 2018, Catherine Mutie was admitted to Mater Hospital with lung pneumonia–related complications. At the time, she weighed 80 kilograms, and that hospital stay became a wake-up call as doctors said her weight was adding strain to her body.
When she decided to start working on her weight, her mother and eldest daughter gave her full support, cheering her on and keeping her accountable.
“My girl would escort me to the gym every evening,” she recalls. “That support made all the difference.”
Catherine Mueni Mutie during the interview on September 03, 2025.
Photo credit: Francis Nderitu | Nation Media Group
But, just like Joyce, the journey wasn’t a walk in the park. She had to resist the temptation of eating the fast food that was always within her reach at home. She couldn’t put the rest of the family on a restrictive diet, so she had to exercise restraint.
“Sometimes it was so hard to resist,” she admits. “For sure, I struggled.”
She wasn’t spared from discouragement during family gatherings. Some would dismiss her weight loss efforts with casual remarks such as, “It’s in our genes to be overweight, you don’t have to resist great food.” Others commented that she was ‘losing the shape’ that defined her identity.
These remarks were hurtful but they didn’t deter her from her goal. Sometimes, she pretended she wasn’t on a diet just to wade off attention from herself.
“I didn’t want them thinking I was dieting when there were no quick changes to show. So yes, I hid it sometimes.”
Catherine believes that while weight management is a personal journey, it can be made easier with support from family and close loved ones.
“They should have believed in me more and encouraged me while I was at it and given me my flowers,” she says.
“Now, most of my relatives want to know how I did it. My advice? Choose yourself any day, anytime. Make a meal plan and follow it through, no matter how hard it gets. Focus on the end game, healthy living.”
At 41, and a mother of two, Mirriam Mwende realised that her body was no longer fit. Squatting left her in discomfort, and skipping rope, something she had once enjoyed, became nearly impossible. Her joints felt stiff, and everyday movements turned into a struggle.
“It wasn’t about how I looked, it was about how I felt,” she says. “My body was giving me signs. That physical limitation was my red light. I knew I had to take control, not just to lose weight, but to regain strength, flexibility, and freedom in my own body.”
Mirriam Mwende is a mother of two.
Photo credit: Chris Omollo | Nation Media Group
When Mirriam shared her decision with her family, the reactions were mixed.
Some applauded her, while others were sceptical, dismissing it as just another phase.
At first, no one took her healthy eating seriously, but as her consistency spoke louder than words, the tone shifted. Slowly, her family began to understand it wasn’t a passing experiment. Their teasing turned into encouragement.
Family meals, however, remained the hardest part of her journey. Just like Joyce, Mirriam’s family expressed love through food, big portions, rich flavours, and second helpings as gestures of hospitality. Refusing food wasn’t just declining a dish; it felt like rejecting love.
Relatives often told her she was getting ‘too thin,’ urging her to indulge,“One day won’t hurt.”
Sometimes Mirriam even carried her own food, yet the guilt of refusing a lovingly prepared dish was hard to bear.
“I had to remind myself that my health is not a betrayal,” she says.
Some relatives insisted she looked better before. Others teased her with accusations of starving herself.
“Those comments chipped away at my confidence,” Mirriam admits. “But I held onto the truth, I was becoming stronger, not smaller.”
Still, family approval mattered more than she wanted to admit. A simple compliment from her son, “You look happy”, meant more than any number on the scale. “Criticism hurt,” she says, “but I learned to filter it through my own truth.”
Like Catherine and Joyce, Mirriam found an ally in her 21-year-old daughter.
“She used to make me ginger shots and healthy meals. She was always thinking about what would help me stay on track,” Mirriam recalls.
Mirriam was transparent about her diet choices and exercise routines, even when misunderstood. In the end, that honesty helped shift perspectives within her family, building a circle of genuine support.
Looking back, Mirriam wishes her family had offered the support earlier.
“Early encouragement would have made the journey less isolating and more empowering,” she reflects.
Still, their attitudes eventually changed as her transformation became undeniable. Her weight loss tip?
“Be patient, be firm, and be kind to yourself and your family. Educate them, set boundaries, and remember: your body is your responsibility. You’re not just changing your weight; you’re changing your life.”
