Dilemma: My wife makes me feel unattractive, what do I do?
It may be easier to solve the issue if you understand the cause.
What you need to know:
- It may be easier to solve the issue if you understand the cause.
- The problem may be psychological or medical in nature too.
My wife and I have been together for more than 10 years and married for four. I love her deeply, but our marriage is essentially empty of sex and physical intimacy, and she refuses to talk about it. I want to feel more desired, but lovemaking is extremely rare, always initiated by me. I feel ashamed and unattractive. Counselling hasn’t helped us, and my attempts to discuss this issue privately are either avoided or met with anger. Do I simply give up?
Being with someone for 10 years it is quite a reasonable time to learn each other. To remedy your situation, it will be good to look back and evaluate your life together. I believe it all started somewhere. It may be easier to solve the issue if you understand the cause. The problem may be psychological or medical in nature too. Keep an open mind.
~ Rev Geoffrey Avudiko Senior Pastor in Mitume P.A.G Church, Kitale
FROM THE EXPERT
Before you give up, it is important to have tried everything to improve your intimacy, or at least for her to recognise that you put in the effort towards your sexual bond. Rather than asking her for sex, it is far more practical to find out whether she finds you sexually attractive.
The misconception is that because you are married, sex is automatic. That is not the case when it comes to human sexual attraction. Being married does not mean you are going to enjoy sex or want sex from your partner.
Whether it is going to be something you want to hear or not, it is important to know from your wife whether she desires you the way you would wish rather than force the issue and prolong the rift between you.
No one should have sex under obligation. Tell her that the current situation is not working for you and that if she is no longer able to want you, she should say before you arrive at a point of no return. She owes you the truth.
Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I can’t seem to put my life together and I feel I am losing out on a lot of things. First of all, I’m still living with my parents at 32, I’m in a job that is nowhere near my desired career path. The pay is not sustainable and I have never been in a relationship. Lately, I’ve been very emotional. Almost depressed as I feel that time is running out and I haven’t achieved anything. What do I do?
