When Gloria Mutheu was six years old, her parents sent her to boarding school. She was in Class Three.
Their home in rural Makueni County sat deep within a sparsely populated area surrounded by forests. The nearest school was more than 10 kilometres away, and for a young girl, the journey felt unsafe.
“My parents were always busy trying to make ends meet,” Gloria recalls. “Taking me to school every day was difficult for them, so boarding school made sense.”
Gloria wasn’t really given a choice in the matter, nor was there any psychological preparation beforehand.
Fortunately, several of her friends were joining the same mission school, which softened the blow.
Gloria Mutheu says her boarding school days were marked by loneliness, depression, rebellion and recurring illness.
Photo credit: Francis Nderitu | Nation
On paper, life in the mission school was good. The food was great, and the matron took on a motherly role of washing and dressing them, helping them brush their teeth, and doing all their laundry. But she saw her parents only once per term on visiting days, and during school holidays.
“Our relationship was okay because I performed well in school, but I come from a typical African home where emotions were not really discussed.
Things changed in Class Seven when she was transferred to a public boarding school.
The shift affected her academic performance.
Confused and with no one to turn to for encouragement, Gloria’s self-esteem dropped. She became quieter, withdrawn and emotionally guarded.
“I struggled with everything,” she says. “I wish I could have spoken about what was happening and my desire to change schools, but I was afraid of being transferred to an even worse school. I didn’t feel like I had a voice.”
Gloria Mutheu Douglas poses for a picture after the interview at Nation Center on May 06, 2026.
Photo credit: Francis Nderitu | Nation
Gloria remained in boarding school throughout high school, but says the emotional disconnection only deepened. Those years, she says, were marked by loneliness, depression, rebellion and recurring illness.
“I even cut off my friends who went to better schools because I didn’t feel like we had anything in common anymore. What would we even talk about?”
Gloria, now 25, says the longest she has ever stayed with her parents was the 11 months between high school and university.
“We do not have bad blood between us, but it was hard to be at home. We clashed on so many things because we didn’t know each other much beyond academics. For example, my mother would always want me to do things in her presence, like eat or even study, but it didn’t make sense to me. I was used to being alone. We didn’t really know each other.”
Today, she rarely stays home for more than two weeks. She speaks to her parents only a few times a month, and mostly when they call first. But it’s not just with her parents. She tends to hold everyone at arm’s length.
“Deep down, I know it’s just me against the world,” she says. “I’m accommodating, and I make it easy for my friends to talk to me, but when it is my turn to open up and be vulnerable, I tend to hold back. I always just disappear, figure things out on my own, then resurface when everything is settled.”
She recalls a recent incident when she fell so ill she thought she might die. She took herself to the hospital, but the recommended treatment cost more than she could afford. Instead of calling her parents or friends for help, she chose to manage it on her own with over-the-counter medication. Thankfully, it worked, but nobody knew she had been unwell.
“I don’t know how to ask for help, even for the smallest of things,” she says. “It always leaves me feeling guilty, like I owe that person something.”
She also avoids any form of conflict. Her instinct, she says, is to flee or sweep things under the rug rather than confront issues directly.
“I am avoidant,” she admits. “I know it’s not healthy behaviour, and I’m currently working on changing it.”
She urges parents to consider fostering emotional bonds with their children, not just providing for their material needs.
“I never lacked anything, but I also never learnt how to express my emotions,” she says. “And I think if I had, it would have changed a lot of things for me.”
But her experience was not all bad. Gloria says boarding school taught her discipline, adaptability and self-sufficiency.
Gloria Mutheu Douglas poses for a picture after the interview at Nation Center on May 06, 2026.
Photo credit: Francis Nderitu | Nation
Those are qualities 40-year-old Wanjiru Wairimu also associates with her boarding school experience.
Wairimu joined boarding school in Class One after insisting on following her older sisters there.
Wairimu was placed in the same school as her sisters, and though she cannot recall moments of extreme distress about being away from home, she says that her personality changed after joining boarding school.
“I was bubbly and outgoing before, but after joining boarding school, I became a lot quieter,” she says. “I didn’t even dance as much anymore, and I used to love dancing.”
Not that there was anything overtly traumatic happening at school. Her responsibilities while in school were limited to washing small items like handkerchiefs, socks, and undergarments. Everything else was done for her until she got to upper primary.
“I think it was just about the change in environment. I also really missed my mum’s constant love and reassurance,” she says.
Something else that changed was her sense of home.
Wairimu later realised she struggled to depend on others emotionally or materially. When she was training to be a nun, senior sisters in the convent pointed this out and encouraged her to work on it.
“Nuns have a common basket where everything, including salaries, goes,” she says. “It is from there that you are supposed to get your stipend, but I would never ask for things even when I needed them. Over time I learnt that it is okay to rely on others to some extent.”
Yet unlike Gloria, Wairimu believes boarding school may have protected her from a more difficult home life.
She believes that while children are better off joining boarding at a later age, the institutions are not necessarily harmful.
According to Effie Orina, a counseling psychologist at Halcyon Multispeciality Hospital, the idea that early boarding school automatically leads to “attachment issues” is not entirely accurate. Different children, she says, respond differently to separation depending on factors such as age and the emotional support available to them.
“What people often call attachment issues are actually attachment styles,” she explains. “These include secure attachment, which is healthier and more stable, anxious attachment driven by fear of abandonment, avoidant attachment marked by discomfort with emotional closeness, and fearful avoidant attachment, which combines both anxious and avoidant traits.”
Gloria Mutheu Douglas poses for a picture after the interview at Nation Center on May 06, 2026.
Photo credit: Francis Nderitu | Nation
Still, early separation from parents can shape how children learn to relate to others later in life, particularly if they are emotionally unprepared for the transition.
She says younger children are generally more vulnerable to emotional distress when separated from caregivers too early.
“Some children internalise separation as abandonment and learn to suppress their emotions,” she says. “Others become overly independent because they feel they can only rely on themselves.”
According to her, children who experience this emotional disconnection at a young age become prematurely independent and learn to suppress their emotions early because they feel like they can only rely on themselves.
“As they grow up, this can show up as discomfort with vulnerability, difficulty depending on others, withdrawing when relationships become too close, constantly seeking reassurance, or living with a deep fear of rejection and abandonment,” she says. “Others may exhibit disorganised patterns where they crave intimacy but struggle to embrace it out of fear.”
These patterns, Ms Orina adds, are not exclusive to children in boarding school. Children who grow up in emotionally distant homes may also develop similar coping mechanisms while living with their parents.
However, Ms Orina cautions against demonising boarding schools entirely.
dults sent to boarding school at a very young age frequently develop an avoidant attachment style, growing into individuals who choose to suffer through severe medical and emotional crises alone rather than ask for help.
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Even so, she notes there is no universal age that works for every child.
She adds that small but consistent actions such as checking in regularly, involving the child in the decision, and prioritising reconnection during holidays, can make a significant difference.
“People often focus on whether a child has everything they need physically, but emotional connection is equally important,” she says. “You might not be there physically, but if the emotional connection with them is intact, then the relationship will be quite strong.”
