Children everywhere learn almost all of their attitudes toward life from their friends and schoolmates. But some things are too important to be left to their peers. You must teach them, mostly by being a good role model rather than lecturing them!
Let them see you being affectionate and kind with your spouse, then they’ll know how a good marriage works.
Teach them to do things for themselves. And once you’ve shown them something new, resist the urge to jump in if they’re struggling. Leaving them to learn from their difficulties helps them grow more capable and resilient.
Teach them to be socially confident. Teach them to listen by listening to them, and how to talk assertively and politely to adults. To look people in the eye and communicate clearly.
Don’t avoid the tough subjects, like the facts of life. Because children who can talk to their parents about sex, for example, tend to have their first intimate experiences later and fewer premarital partners.
So whenever your children ask about something difficult, make it feel like an absolutely normal conversation. Answer all their questions using plain and simple language, and don’t ever knowingly tell them something that’s not true, even with the best of intentions.
Let them see you respectfully disagreeing with your friends, your spouse, and with them!
Teach them to be assertive and to stand up for themselves. Show them how to control their emotions and to read social situations. Show them your values in the way you live your life. Show them hard work, resilience, honesty and kindness. Show them how to put things right when they make mistakes.
Help them to be optimists, to accept themselves as they are, to be willing to learn, work on their weaknesses and cope with failure.
Teach them to be responsible and how to handle money. Teach them to make decisions and resist the temptation to decide for them. You probably do know best, but then they lose the opportunity to learn to make good choices on their own. So, instead, be a coach, providing guidance and perhaps a few perspectives they haven’t considered.
Teach them to work hard for rewards that may be years in coming, and to develop determination and perseverance.
Encourage them to develop simple tastes, and to work through college. Because paid work, however unsophisticated, tells future employers that they know how to get up in the morning, fit in with a team and tough things out.
Teach them the attitudes and skills that will keep them out of trouble. To walk with a confident stride that says ‘don’t mess with me.’ More often than not, avoiding trouble’s all about persuading a miscreant to look for an easier target.
That’s a lot to learn, isn’t it? It’s no wonder that children find ‘adulting’ so hard! But your children will learn from you very quickly. Until one day you realise that they’ve succeeded.
