Two months ago I felt like I was the luckiest man on earth. Today I feel like the unluckiest. My girlfriend recently broke up with me after a two-months relationship because she discovered two chats in my phone. They were flirtatious, I admit, but nothing serious. For context, my girlfriend is extremely beautiful. She won beauty pageants in college and she is currently a model for various beauty products.
The women you'd find on the front of beauty magazines. To my surprise, against all stereotypes about such pretty girls, I discovered that she's a very simple and principled girl. No scandals. No body count. No baby daddy drama. She is a church girl and very close with her parents. When I tried apologising, she commented that I'm just like other men and blocked me everywhere. What do I do?
I'm so sorry about the whole experience, but our greatest mess can become our greatest lesson if we allow it. Your girl is exceptional. That's why losing her feels exceptionally painful and replacing her seems impossible. Most beautiful women are not that principled, and most principled women are not that beautiful. So, to find one who has both qualities and then have her accept to date you is quite an unforgettable experience. But then to lose her? It can feel unbearable.
Now, let's break down what happened. You need to understand that women have to deal with sexual oppression everywhere they go. They are objectified and harassed with unwanted sexual attention everywhere they turn. This is one reason many women dress down. They tone down their beauty in an attempt to reduce this disturbing treatment from men. Actor Eartha Kitt put it this way: Every man I met tried to lay me down. It wasn't until I met a man who only wanted to help me up that I fell in love. That's the clue.
Women live on the receiving side of men's lust. The day they meet a man who doesn't objectify them, the difference is striking. That's one way to win the respect of high-value women, high-earning female clients, extremely beautiful women in dating, and so forth. Be different from the pack.
She is different herself. She ranks so high on the beauty charts. That's why the average man can't work for her. You may feel the chemistry between you. You may naturally feel attracted to her. You may even envision marrying her. All that is understandable. The difference between love and lust is appreciation versus objectification.
You can notice that a woman is beautiful, but you don't dwell on that exclusively. You also notice her personality. You pay attention to her ideas, her dreams, her story. You can pay attention to her as a whole person with dignity, not just physical looks. That's what makes a difference. That's what makes you an exceptional man. And when she says you've let her down, she is referring to these traits. Not just whether you're good-looking, popular, rich, and so forth.
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Lust is selfish, obsessive, demanding and impatient. It feels crude and wrong. But love grows naturally as the connection deepens. It makes a woman feel safe because there's no demand for her to be anything other than herself around you. Women respect a man with self-control and decorum. A man who doesn't turn heads at every passing woman. A man who is not always making every conversation with women sexual in nature. A man who is not always soliciting sexual favours from women.
This is what you may casually refer to as flirting. For her, it is cheap, low-vibrational behaviour. In the workplace, women prefer a man who she can do business with, where it's purely professional and respectful. Such a doctor or entrepreneur will have more female clients and the best female staff because he's easy to deal with. He will win the heart of the most attractive woman because he has something women struggle to find. Integrity. Become that man, and you'll edge past many men with little effort.
Here is one way of winning the respect of women like your girlfriend. High-value women. You cannot appear too obsessed with women or unable to control yourself around beauty. These women have experienced the worst when it comes to objectification. That's what she meant when she said you're just like other men. Can you win her back? I’m not sure, but there's one thing you can do to increase your chances of getting her back or winning another like her.
Change your ways. Find a way to pass this message to her through email or a mutual friend. Acknowledge your wrongdoing in flirting with other women. Let her know you'll never be that kind of man again. Admit that you found gold but kept on looking. Express that you won't pressure her to forgive, but should she consider a second chance, she'll never get that kind of experience from you again.
This woman liked you enough to date you, so she has a soft spot for you. Showing her that you’ve had a genuine change of heart may appeal to her or guarantee her coming back, but it turns you into a different man for yourself first and for whoever you end up with. Good luck!
