In my dating life, I keep meeting women with traits I desire, yet seem to lack in other important areas. It leaves me confused about what to compromise on and what I should not. The woman I'm dating now is stunningly beautiful and very intelligent. However, when she gets angry, she shuts me out for two or three days straight. What qualities should I prioritise when choosing a life partner?
If you want to go far as a man, there's only one type of woman you should marry. And it's not the one with the biggest ‘sitting allowance’ or voluptuous shape. It is the woman who is emotionally stable and has an open mind. A woman with predictable and stable moods, and one who is open to learning. Emotional stability is a mountain for many women because society excuses instability as part of being a woman. Angry outbursts and screaming, unwarranted insecurities, shutting down when hurt and giving her man cold treatment…all these are treated as being normal.
Many people expect a beautiful woman to be a little crazy or mentally unhinged. But a woman who has mastered calmness? She's gold. This doesn't mean she has stopped being sensitive or suppressed her feelings. She is still soft and nurturing. She has just learnt to control her moods and reactions so that she's intentional rather than impulsive. This is the quality you must check first. A woman who has worked on her self-esteem and reached self-acceptance. A woman who has built an interesting life in which she can exist happily without outward stimulation so that she connects with you from fullness rather than neediness.
But many men can't go that far in examining character because they get carried away by physical beauty. In this day and age, you can't win when you're led by emotions and excitement over a woman's charms. Let's talk about being mentally open or curious. Marrying a woman who is settled and mentally lazy is a liability to a man who is trying to get ahead in life. You don't want a woman who has checked out from life, who cannot understand your endeavours and has no clue about your plans.
You need a woman who helps you think and plan. Some of your dates or rich conversations will be purely business strategies. She's the woman you'll call before signing contracts. She's the one who will help you research ideas and proposals before you commit. And when you're tired or confused, she'll take up an issue and think it through, giving you very accurate advice. A mentally engaged woman is an asset because she knows the family's situation completely and has no conflict of interest like many of your friends and acquaintances.
Getting ahead in life is difficult and having reliable help is invaluable. In the same vein, she should be ready to learn and always growing because many of the adventures will be new to both of you. She needs to educate herself on new things constantly, even before pressure comes. Let's say you're planning to get into real estate. Her curiosity will get her learning everything she can about management and the risks in that field. She won't just sit back and say, “My husband provides everything.” Growth and self-innovation are mandatory because you're always evolving yourself. If the woman you're with remains the same for five years, you'll be total strangers.
Everyone conscious about success and self-actualisation starts with self-education. You need a woman who upgrades her life routinely. This simply means she's applying what she's learning. When you're a curious and progressive couple, this will come naturally because you'll be spurring each other on. If you're not keen on this trait, however, you'll marry a beautiful woman but one who has no interest in self-development, and who withdraws from such conversations.
Your connection will die a natural death, irrespective of how endowed she is physically. So, as a man on a mission, the only woman you can marry is one who is open minded and emotionally grounded. That is the exact opposite of many women today. Closed-minded. Emotionally volatile. Comfortable. Resistant to change or risk. Instead of waiting to say, “I wish I knew,” start now by saying, “I wish to know.” How do you test for these qualities? A two-pronged approach. Conversations and observations.
By conversations, we mean hearty talks on many subjects in life. Her opinions and interpretations will tell you everything you need to know about her mindset on life. Observations point to situational reactions. Disappointments and delays will happen. Plans that don't go as expected. Places where she doesn't get her way. These are the golden moments when emotional self-regulation will be tested and displayed. You don't need a person who doesn't feel anything, but one who is aware of what they're feeling and who controls it purposefully rather than getting carried away. Does she keep a positive attitude in bad situations? Does she forgive and move on without holding grudges for days or keeping score? Does she communicate her disappointment rather than bottling it up and exploding later? Can she hold uncomfortable conversations without running away? Those are the signs of emotional maturity.
