The first question we have to deal with is whether a man can be raped. Many people say that a man, being the driver of penetrative sex in most cases, has to be willing for the process to continue.
“That notion is totally wrong,” Richard said when he came to the Sexology Clinic, “I had sex against my will; I was stimulated into it; there is a point of no return when a man cannot say no.”
Richard, a 35-year-old engineer, is married to a 29-year-old teacher. They have been together for four years and have two children. Richard runs a construction company and is stressed because he has been slapped with millions in penalties for not complying with taxation laws.
“I have been spending sleepless nights,” he says, “the business I have built for the last six years is facing closure. My customers are leaving.”
It is for these reasons that Richard ended up in a massage parlour. He wanted to cool down his nerves. He had a throbbing headache, and his body felt numb. He did not know how to escape the tax man’s noose.
Richard had never been to a massage parlour before. In fact, it was his friend’s advice that he try it to keep his sanity amidst the stress of the business.
After paying for a full-body massage at the reception, a masseuse walked him to a cosy room with dim red lights and slow romantic music.
“Welcome, please remove all your clothes, have a quick shower and tie the towel,” the masseuse said. She herself was skimpily dressed in a mini skirt and a blouse that left half of her breasts and abdomen exposed. She promised to be back after Richard was done.
She came back in short, lacy lingerie with no bra or panties. She explained the change of clothes was to keep her from sweating while she did the massage.
“I want you to feel free. I will massage every muscle, so remove the underwear as well,” came additional instructions. Richard had left his underwear in situ.
“This was uncomfortable for me, but because it was my first time in a place like this, I obeyed the instructions,” he says.
And so, the massage started, one foot then the next, then the legs and the thighs.
“She reached my private parts and started touching them,” Richard says. “I told her that I was not comfortable, but she calmed me down and said nothing would go wrong.”
Within no time, Richard was sexually excited. She reassured him that nothing would go wrong, then climbed on top of him and continued touching everywhere. She then told him that they could continue to the next level and have a happy ending if he paid a small fee of Sh3,000. Richard was unable to hold himself anymore.
Massages with additional services
“I cannot tell what happened next,” he says, “I had unprotected sex with a stranger.”
Richard had two reasons for coming to the clinic: to do tests and confirm that he did not get any infection from the encounter; and to find out if he would win a case if he sued the massage parlour for rape.
The first set of tests did not reveal any infection. Repeat tests were, however, scheduled in the coming weeks to rule out infections with long incubation periods, HIV being on top of the list.
The issue of rape was an interesting one: the fundamental principle in rape is consent or the lack of it. Before engaging sexually, the involved parties must mutually consent to it. In consenting, one has to be in a state of mind to make a rational decision.
This is the concept of capacity. One cannot give consent if they are drunk, for example. Further, one cannot give consent under duress. If one puts you in a position where you are vulnerable and then tempts you, the consent cannot be said to have been free of coercion.
“I kept saying that I was uncomfortable; she would not listen, she touched me everywhere, my body could not hold it anymore,” Richard lamented.
“So, did you pay her for the sex?” I asked, to which Richard nodded, staring into the horizon. There was a long silence for close to a minute.
“Paying could imply that you appreciated the encounter,” I said gently.
“I felt embarrassed. I wanted to rush out of the place; I paid her to let me go, not because of the sexual encounter,” he said.
Richard’s story made me get interested in the massage parlours in the city. I talked to a few men who have visited the parlours. They talked of massages with additional services which can include a hand job, a blow job or penetrative sex at additional cost. These are what are described as happy endings.
“Even women are not spared in this happy ending story,” Charles, one of the men, intimated, “they get massages from men and on several occasions end up with the full package.”
He said that many people going for massages are aware of these additional services and normally negotiate beforehand so that whatever is done is consensual. Maybe Richard’s masseuse assumed that he was aware of these services.
All said and done, ambushing people, making them vulnerable, and having sex with them may not qualify as consensual sex. A perpetrator of such acts can easily get into conflict with the law.
