I met Jane seven years ago. She had just participated in a street demonstration by women from her estate. The women intended to pressure their husbands to stop drinking alcohol.
They made placards and invited the media to cover the demonstration. They complained that their husbands no longer had sex with them.
They could not rise to the occasion, frustratingly failing to get an erection when it was most needed and leaving the women displeased. Women who wanted children failed to get them.
Harmony in the family was eroded, and many families were on the verge of divorce.
“Doctor, the cause of all this is alcohol. Our men are married to the bottle. They have abandoned us,” Jane explained.
They had thought that by going to the streets, the men would change their behaviour. For a few days after the demonstration, the men came home slightly early. Most of them were home by 8pm. However, their drunkenness remained unchanged.
What they changed was their drinking time. They came home early but drunk and were like dead logs the moment they fell on their beds. The women’s frustration continued.
“One of us even got assaulted physically for causing public shame to the family,” Jane said.
“So what brings you to the Sexology Clinic today?” I asked absent mindedly, ruminating over this very common problem that most families live with but rarely seek help for. Because sex is considered a taboo subject, many couples have decided to let it go to the dogs when alcohol becomes a problem. They instead complain of the economic impact of drinking. The quality of life in such families is normally pathetic and intimacy does not exist.
Jane looked at me blankly. It was like she was already resigned to her fate. She removed her handkerchief and blew her nose. It is at that point that I noted that she was crying. She wanted a baby but could not get one because for three years there had been no sex in the family.
She was 39 years old and feared that she would soon get into menopause. She had one child who was 10 years old. She had gone to fertility clinics and they did tests on her and found her to be in good health. All fingers pointed to her drunkard husband.
Jane’s husband was always intoxicated. We know that in the acute stage of alcohol intoxication, some sexual dysfunctions happen, the commonest being low libido, difficulty in arousal and ejaculation difficulties.
This means that the person may not have an erection and should they have one, it can go on for hours without ejaculating. Jane’s husband never had erections.
Sperm production is also affected in alcoholic men. Men who drink chronically have low sperm count and the sperms may be deformed. This means that even if they had sex once in a while with their wives, they may not impregnate them. It is an exercise in futility.
“Why does alcoholism affect men so adversely doctor? If I fed him well, would it help?” Jane asked, her eyes red and wet with tears. This was a lady who was really hurting.
Alcohol causes a reduction in the production of testosterone which is important in enhancing sexual function and the optimal production of sperms. Chronic use of alcohol leads to feminisation of the male, making them develop skin texture and body structure that resembles a woman. This comes from low testosterone.
We have occasionally heard people say that alcohol removes mental and psychological inhibition making the drinker sexier in his language and causing him to pursue sexual adventures and fantasies that they would avoid if they were sober.
What we know scientifically, however, is that the person may talk and behave in sexually explicit ways that are highly suggestive of sex but their sexual performance is literally dead. They therefore arouse their partner and leave them hanging.
Further, the alcoholic tends to misinterpret other people’s behaviours and normal courtesy can be interpreted to mean invitation for sex. Flirting therefore becomes common after taking alcohol. The alcoholic may end up having sex, albeit unsatisfactorily, with people they have not met before due to this misinterpretation of intentions. It is for this reason that alcoholics also commonly cheat.
“Well, my husband has slept around with dozens of women,” Jane interjected.
I referred Jane’s husband to a rehabilitation centre where he was to be admitted for six months. He however fell seriously sick in the rehab. As fate would have it, he was already HIV positive and his immune system was highly compromised. He was put on treatment and improved.
Six months later, he was discharged from rehab. Two months later he was back in the bar, drinking and not taking his medicine. As fate would have it, he did not live long after, another testimony to the fact that alcoholism can be destructive.
